Picking Up The Broken Pieces
by N.C. Wolfe
Summary: He felt the agony he had caused his family as one by one he watched them break apart. Now as he journeys to pick up the pieces, he searches for the only soul that can put his family back together. Can he mend what was broken or will new pieces fall?
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own any part of S.M.'s brilliant world of the Twilight saga. This is simply my take on the what could have been.**

**A.N. **

**Well, this is my first ever fan fic. I had been meaning to write one for a while now but hadn't fully felt the story come together until a few days ago. I pretty much have it done in my head but sometimes stories can tend to get away from you only to wind up in a completely different place than you were planning to take it. So here's to seeing where this tale takes us. I truly hope you all enjoy! **

**-N. C. **

**I have to give a huge thank you to my awesome Beta, Le Crepuscule who has agreed to take the time to sift through my story and pick out all the kinks that I missed. You ROCK Chica! **

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**Jasper's POV**

I didn't have it in me to stay any longer. Alice had known for some time that this had been coming, I could see it in her eyes and hear it in her voice whenever she spoke to me, sadness tinting her tone. Above all I felt it; the inexplicable sense of loss and longing emanating from her each time I left the room, as if she knew eventually it would be the last.

We didn't speak of it, knowing that if we did, it would come sooner; my time to move on. She held on to each moment with reverence and it pained me to know that I was the cause of her suffering. I was the cause of everyone's suffering. I had torn apart the lives of everyone I loved, the ones I called family. It had all happened in such a blur it almost seems as if it were all a dream; a horrible nightmare that I would never wake from.

It had been almost two years to the day that I had lost control. It was supposed to have been a happy occasion; Bella's eighteenth birthday. Of course I knew it was going to be a difficult day on my part, having to feel the trepidation and angst radiating in waves off of my brother's all too human girlfriend who looked at this day, as one that would drive her past the point of any semblance of equality to her forever frozen at seventeen boyfriend. I had always since first meeting Bella, felt the sense of self consciousness she gave off whenever she looked at Edward. She felt she was undeserving of his love but I also knew the complete and unbreakable love she had for him.

It had been Bella's deepest wish since finding out what Edward really was, already knowing that she could not live without him in her life, to become one of us. Edward wouldn't hear of it however, stating that her soul was much to high a price to pay. Myself along with most of my family had argued with him that if he loved her he would let her have the choice to decide, but still he refused. I look back on this selfishly, knowing that if he had just given in to her, if he had only taken her wish and made it reality, the events that unfolded that night never would have come to pass.

If only he had given her what she wanted he would still be a part of our family, living under the same roof with the woman he loved beside him. Rosalie and Emmett would not have felt the need to flee the morose atmosphere around them only to move a continent away. Carlisle and Esme would not have had to feel the pain of watching their children disappear from their home one by one, and I would be content to spend my eternity making a life with Alice. All that ended as soon as the paper had sliced through Bella's skin.

One by one we all watched as Bella opened her birthday gifts; though she had told us all that the greatest present we could give her was to ignore this day completely and to simply treat it as just another night. Alice, my unrelenting but well meaning mate would not hear of it. Alice thought of each milestone in a persons life as a cause for celebration, and with that on occasion went a bit overboard.

I felt Bella's aggravation as she plastered on what she must have thought was a sufficient smile as she took the packages, one by one ripping the paper from them and I felt a chuckle rise to my throat; only Bella could become so agitated over receiving gifts.

It was then, before I could fully realize what had happened that the laughter I felt rising in me turned in an instant to an immense burning thirst. I quickly felt the control leaving my body, barely registering the similar emotions emanating from most everyone around me, mixed with their senses of shock and fear. Nothing in that moment felt real or tangible, only the smell, the gloriously rich smell beckoning, urging me to devour its tantalizing fragrance. I could almost taste it from where I stood and as the flames licking through my body threatened to drive me to insanity I knew that only one thing could save me.

I lunged toward the source of my need, longing for it to quench this burning fire that had latched itself to every part of me, creeping its way through my very soul. A second later, before I could reach what I desired I felt the impact crush into me, causing me to fly through the air and then vices locked around my arms and wrists dragging me from my drug. I fought them hard, fiercely shaking trying with everything in me to force myself from their chains as they pulled me further and further away from the thing I knew I needed to survive.

As I tried desperately to fight my way from them I felt myself being pulled into darkness and a cool breeze wash across my face. Slowly I began to feel the longing dissipate, and I felt the loss of it overcome me as reality began to set in. I looked around to see my brother and his wife holding my arms in theirs, their expressions and feelings such a contrast of fear, anger and relief that it shocked me fully into the realization of what I had done.

It was as if I no longer had legs to keep me standing as I sank slowly to the ground. I put my face in my hands and felt the anguish begin to seep through. How could I have lost control so completely? How after all this time and restraint, could I have allowed myself to become so utterly taken?

I felt a sense of love and sadness wash over me and then a soft caress on my cheek as I looked up into the pained eyes of my Alice. She didn't say anything but the look she gave me spoke volumes. I didn't want to see the understanding and comfort she was trying to send to me; I didn't want to feel the love. I wanted her to give me what I deserved. How could she not be disgusted and ashamed by what I had done? I should feel her disappointment, not this overwhelming love; I didn't deserve it and it caused me to plummet further into agony.

I stood slowly from where I had been kneeling in the damp earth and began to walk away. I was expecting someone to stop me but was relieved that no one did. They must have realized that I needed this time to myself, to sort it all out on my own. As I entered the thick growth of trees I began to pick up my pace, and soon I was running faster than I ever had.

My feet hitting the moss covered ground was much lighter than I wanted at this moment. I wanted to feel the earth beating into me as I brushed quickly through the woods. I needed to hear the pounding footfalls to drown out the screams slapping at my mind. I didn't want to feel graceful I wanted to feel human so that I could taste the salty tears that should be streaming from my eyes, to burn with the cuts that should be scrapping into my skin each time I brushed into the sharp undergrowth of the forest. I felt cursed more in that moment than when I awoke from the searing torture of Maria's bite.

I felt another jolt of agony rip through me then, more powerful than anything I had ever felt. It was as if my insides were ripping in two and I realized this new sense of anguish was not my own. I looked behind me then, registering the soft footfalls hitting the earth and quickly gaining on me; Edward, he had come after me. I quickened my pace which seemed almost impossible as I was already pushing my limit. He was faster though and quickly caught up to me, tackling me forcefully to the ground.

I struggled underneath him trying to get away, as far away as I could from the indescribable sorrow and desperation he gave off. I felt a feral snarl rip through him as he yelled for me to stop struggling. I knew then it was no use; his anguish was driving him, and I had no chance of escaping it. I lay still then beneath his glare as I covered my face and let the dry sobs rack through me.

I felt him put his arm around me pulling me up to him as he joined in my sobs, telling me with his voice tearing that he didn't blame me, but I didn't want to hear it. I wanted him to hate me, only he comforted me instead. He said it had been inevitable and that tonight had only loosened him of his insane delusions.

We sat for a long time there as he told me that he was finally ready to let Bella go. I argued with him that he needed her, that she needed him. He shook his head as I pleaded with him to come to his senses. He stood then and looked into the forest and I felt defeat and acceptance come from him; "I have," he had said and then walked away.

Over the following days I watched as Edward dug himself deeper and deeper into despair. He had convinced the family after much arguing and dry tears, that it would be best if we left Forks and gave Bella her life back. The next morning Edward left for school as we packed. He told us that we should go on without him to the Denali's, where we would be staying until we found our new home and that he would catch up; that was the last time I saw him.

He called about a week later to tell us that he needed some time to himself and refused when we begged him to come to us. We wanted to help him through this but didn't argue any further after he promised to keep himself safe. We still worried that he might do something crazy and self destructive, but knew that there was nothing we could do but give him time.

He called every couple of months after that to reassure us that he was alright but that did little to settle the pain that lingered in our home. Esme was distraught from losing her son, and Carlisle went between trying to comfort his wife and immersing himself completely in his medical practice as he tried to cope with the same loss. Rosalie and Emmett had decided a few weeks after making our move to New Hampshire, that they needed some time to themselves and had moved to a small village in Russia. I knew that they, not unlike myself had felt enough sadness and loss for a lifetime and could no longer handle the sorrow.

Alice had tried for the benefit of those around her to be the happy, full of life, and smiles person we had all known she was; However I knew, as I felt her anguish, that it had been almost as hard on her as it had been for me to see her family torn apart. I hated myself for causing this and I knew with each passing day that I had to leave; I had to fix this and I knew that the only way to do that was to first find Bella.


	2. Chapter 2

**I do not own any part of S.M.'s brilliant world of the Twilight saga. This is simply my take on the what could have beens.**

**A.N. **

**Thank you all soooooo much for your awesome reviews! They make me want to pull an Alice and dance around like a pixie!...Well, here is chapter two. I was going to wait another day or two to post it but after hearing what y'all thought I had to get it out now. Hope ya enjoy!**

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**Jasper's POV**

I was in the large walk in closet adjoining the bedroom I shared with Alice, packing the the small bag I would take with me, when I heard her open the door and walk up behind me. I had decided the night before after yet another nightmarish memory of the event that had destroyed my family, that today I would begin my mission of pulling our lives back together.

I knew as soon as I had decided this and watched as Alice's eyes glazed over, that she had seen in her vision what was to come. I had felt her tense up and was overwhelmed with an onslaught of conflicting emotions coming from her.

I had understood most of the feelings she was experiencing, the sadness that was mixed with loss and longing followed by worry and fear. Then as her vision went on further I became confused as I felt shocked anger flow from her, anger and betrayal. I searched her face, wishing I could ask her then what she had seen, when I felt one last feeling escape her, almost immediately following the last. As a soft sigh fell from her slightly parted lips her eyes began to regain their focus and she sent out a sense of serene and contented acceptance.

She looked at me once and then, without a word, ran from the room and up the stairs. I heard in the distance the soft scratching sound of pen on paper and wondered what she could have seen that would cause her to feel and act this way. I waited for her to come back downstairs but after what seemed like hours I decided to go up and talk to her.

When I opened the door to our room I saw her laying there on our bed looking at me with longing in her eyes. I quickly crossed the room and crawled to where she lay, scooping her up into my arms. She locked her pained gaze on mine before wrapping herself around me and with a desperation I had never known her to posses, she pressed her lips to mine.

We stayed like that for the rest of the night grasping passionately at one another as if we were holding on for dear life. I tried to reassure her with each gentle kiss I placed on her, that this separation would not be forever but with every piece of herself that she gave to me, I felt she was saying goodbye.

Snapping out of my thoughts of the night before, I turned to face her as she approached the closet where I stood with the bag dangling from my arm. She looked sadly at me but as I opened my mouth to tell her it would be alright, that I would see her again soon, she placed a finger over my mouth. She looked from me to the bag I was packing and a sad smile formed on her lips.

"Alice..." I said muffled beneath the tiny slender finger that was still asking me not to speak. She shushed me and then looking back into my eyes she smiled again softly.

"Jasper, don't say anything. You don't have to explain any of this to me. I know it's something you have to do."I tried to speak again and she shook her head.

"Let me finish okay?" I sighed, nodding my head and she went on.

"The last two years I have watched you being ripped apart and It's killed me. I've known for a while now that you would be leaving us but with not knowing when, I've selfishly held on." I shook my head wanting to argue that she could never be selfish but she shushed me again, begging me with her eyes to let her finish.

"I love you Jasper. I love you enough that I will step aside and let you do what you feel is right. I have seen that things will work themselves out in the end and that has given me peace." a small frown replaced her smile then and she looked back at the floor. "Things aren't going to be easy on any of us for a while" she said sadly. She looked back up at me then and I saw the urgent pleading expression she wore as she gently cupped my cheek.

"But Jasper, please don't let that stop you because this is how things are meant to be" With that she reached around her neck and took off the locket I had given her for our first anniversary. She handed it to me and told me not to open it until I knew. This confused me but with her eyes still pleading I simply took it from her hand and tucked it away in my bag.

She reached a hand back up and stroked my cheek and then placed one last gentle kiss to my lips before she turned and walked from the room. I hung my head a moment later as I heard her leave the house, wishing I could make this easier for her, wishing that I wasn't doing this to her at all. But I knew that if there was any hope of pulling my family back from the shattered hurt I had caused, I had to leave.

After I finished packing my bag, I walked downstairs to say my final goodbyes to Carlisle and Esme. It hurt like hell to leave them, knowing it would just be one more blow to their already torn lives. They had, from the day I showed up along with Alice on their doorstep, accepted me as a son. Now, if only for a while, they would be losing yet another child. They told me that Alice had explained everything to them and that they understood, but I couldn't help but cringe at the pain I knew they felt. I gave them each one final reassuring hug holding on to Esme longer than I normally would and set out to put right what I had broken.

**Bella's POV**

I stood looking out the living room window of my new apartment at the bustling street below. I saw the people walking back and forth, some were alone talking on cellphones, others in small groups, joking and laughing amongst themselves. They were all going somewhere, whether it was home to their families after a busy day at work or out on the town. They all had their lives but mine was gone.

My life had left me that day in the forest when he had walked away. I had known things would be different after the insane events of my eighteenth birthday party where I had clumsily sliced my stupid finger on the wrapping paper. I didn't blame Jasper at all for how he reacted to my blood shed. It had been hardest on him trying to adapt to the Cullen's "vegetarian" lifestyle and it was only natural that he would lose control in such close proximity to my open wound. Edward, however had thought differently about the situation and how could he not? I was just a weak little human girl who could break at any moment and I guess that night had just caused him to realize that.

My suspicions that things couldn't just go back to normal were confirmed for me during the following days as Edward became more and more standoffish toward me. He barely touched me and when he did it was even more feather light than normal. He had always treated me as if I were a piece of glass that would shatter at any moment but these barely there grazes were just ridiculous. He only kissed me if I asked him to and even those were simple light pecks, the way you would kiss your frail old grandmother. I hated it. I tried to assure him that he wouldn't break me and that I didn't blame Jasper, or any of the others for that matter, in the least but he just seemed not to listen.

I knew something horrible was coming and when Edward drove me home from school a few days after my birthday and suggested we go for a walk instead of coming into my house with me as he usually did, I was terrified. We walked a short way into the forest next to my house when Edward began to speak.

I don't even want to think the words he said to me before he left but I couldn't help remembering the ones that had put the final nail in my coffin. He only said what I had known to be true since I met him. I had always known he was too perfect for me, too far out of my reach to be mine but hearing him speak those words shattered me none the less. "You're not good for me Bella". He didn't want me.

When he finished tearing my heart from my chest and grinding it into a billion tiny fractured pieces, he asked me to promise not to do anything reckless. How could he ask anything of me now? After he had taken away everything! He leaned in and placed a gentle kiss to my brow and then simply turned and walked away. At first I was too stunned and torn to move but then, panicking, I ran after him.

I knew in my heart that he was already gone. With his speed there was no way I could reach him but I also knew that to let him go would mean that my world would end. Blinded by tears and being whipped back and forth by the underbrush of the forest around me, I ran for what seemed like hours.

I was tired and bleeding where the vines and tree limbs had cut into my arms and legs, when I fell for what had to have been the hundredth time. I gave up then and lay there too drained to move another inch. The freezing cold rain that felt to me as a symbol of how I felt inside poured down on me through the canopy of trees, stinging and burning my skin with every icy bead. I relished the pain each prickling drop sent me knowing that the physical agony would be a million times more comforting, almost pillow soft compared to what I knew was coming, facing the truth that my world had ended.

I was brought out of my thoughts by the sound of tinkling laughter coming from below where I stood at my window. I looked out to see a couple, around my age standing there gazing at one another with adoration. They had their hands clasped together between them as the woman blushed and giggled at something the man had said. I felt my throat close up and tears begin to prick at my eyes as I watched them, thinking that I would never feel that way again.

I turned around and rushed for the hallway where I had hung my coat after returning from work and after clumsily knocking over the coat stand while jerking it roughly off the hook, I threw it on and headed out the door. I needed to go for a run...

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**A.N. **

**Well there it is, chapter two. I'll try to get the next chapter up in the next few days after I get the kinks worked out of it. I know things haven't progressed too far yet but hopefully it'll all fall together a bit more in the next post. Please R&R cause your reviews make me HAPPY!! **


	3. Chapter 3

**I do not own any part of S.M.'s brilliant world of the Twilight saga. This is simply my take on the what could have beens.**

**A.N. **

**Thank you all for your wonderful comments and support! You wouldn't believe how much they mean to me. I seriously needed them this chapter as I had a bit of a struggle trying to put it together and I could have never got through it without you! I'll have another A.N. at the bottom of the chapter because I'm sure you will all have a couple questions...**

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**Jasper's POV**

A week had passed since I had left the people I love in my search of the girl I hoped could help me mend their broken lives. It had been far more difficult than I had hoped to track Bella down since the wolves had started patrolling the area I had once called home.

Though I had never personally met any of the shape shifting boys of the La Push Reservation, I knew from what Carlisle had told me of the "protectors" that I didn't want to run into them. I knew it would only cause a conflict that I really couldn't afford at the moment. It seemed every time I was close to some sort of information of her whereabouts, I smelled them coming and had to once again change my plans.

It wasn't until the fourth day of trying, while sitting in the mall in Port Angeles where I had gone to feel closer to Alice and to think of where I would go next, that I overheard the familiar laughter coming from a few shops away.

"Can you believe how nutty Bella got after Edward and the Cullens took off?" My ears perked up then hearing the voice of none other than Jessica Stanley and she was speaking about us! I couldn't believe my luck. I sat there on the edge of the bench and listened closer as she giggled along with another snorty laugh that I remembered well. I looked over to where I heard their voices coming from and saw as her and Lauren Mallory left the store they had been in.

"Ugh, Bella's always been three shades of nutty, not much of a change there babe" Lauren said in her snooty nasal voice. I never really could stand her and now as I heard her speak of Bella with such disgust and jealousy dripping from her tone she dropped even farther down on my list of favorite people.

"Yeah but I mean, c'mon, After Edward dumped her the chick went completely bonkers!" Jessica laughed. "I never told you about our trip to the twilight zone here in Port Angeles did I?" I felt Lauren's waning attention perk up then, always one for juicy gossip.

"No, what happened?" I wanted to slap the sneer from her face.

"Nothing much..." Jessica replied in a tone clearly meant to add as much juicy drama to the story as she could. "Except that she went all crazy adrenalin junky on me after running out of the disgusting gory movie, that she picked!" she exclaimed in an accusatory voice. "I mean she couldn't sit through a crappy movie with fake zombies but she can go jump on a motorcycle with some strange loser she just met and leave me in the middle of the freakin street flipping out?!"

I groaned as she finished her story, wishing I had heard her wrong because this did not sound at all like something the Bella I had known, would have done. I knew I had heard right though when I felt the shocked scandal she was obviously remembering from that night.

"Holy crap! Are you serious?" Lauren laughed evilly as if she had heard her new favorite piece of gossip, which she most likely had. I'm sure it would be spread all throughout forks in less than a day.

"Yeah, I mean, I don't blame her for getting a little crazy after he left, cause seriously, the boy was a god! but she completely went off the deep end...she went from being a comatose mute to freakin Evel Knievel overnight!" I couldn't believe what I was hearing. If I hadn't known who was speaking I would have never thought they were talking about the shy, safe little Bella that had stolen my brothers heart.

The Bella I knew tensed up if the car she was in went anywhere above the speed limit and now she was opting for horror flicks and taking thrill rides from strangers? It didn't sit right with me hearing this and then I remembered Jessica referring to her as having been a "comatose mute". I cringed at that, knowing that only one thing could have caused her to shut down so completely, losing the love of her life. That would have never happened if I had held myself together that night.

I really didn't want to hear anymore of this, this confirmation of the hurt I had caused and I wished that they would just give me the information that I needed so that I could leave the proximity of these retched girls and head out to find Bella.

"Yeah, well, we all knew she was crazy, I mean, who the hell moves all the way to ice hole Anchorage, Alaska on purpose?" Mallory scoffed "Well I guess that just confirms my frigid bitch theory!"

I had heard enough. If i could have, I would have felt bile rise to my throat as I watched them both walk off, laughing like a couple of coughing horses. I stood up then and headed for the exit, knowing right where I would head to next, and the exact sisters I would ask to help me the rest of the way.

**Bella's POV**

I walked quickly, almost jogging, down the busy sidewalk toward the park, tears threatening to spill from my burning eyes yet again. I walked across the full mossy lawn to where the trail head lay and bent down to tighten the laces on my worn sneakers. Then looking pointedly ahead at nothing in particular I took off.

I knew now why Edward had suggested we continue our education here. Not only did the mountains cast the perfect amount of shadow to cover the shocking glitter of his marble skin which would have obviously drawn much unneeded attention but Alaska had to be the most breathtakingly gorgeous place I had ever seen.

I ran along the ragged dirt trail admiring the beautiful mountain view around me and tried my best not to think about what had been the reason for my coming here. It was hard not to think about him though as the trail began to lead through the forest and soon I was stopping to catch my breath, the emotions from the day he left completely assailing me.

I walked to a bench that was just a few feet away and put my hands on my face as I sat down and finally allowed the tears to fall. I wished with everything that was in me that I could just forget him. The closest I had ever come to that since Edward had left was when I was with Jake.

Jacob Black had been like a breath of fresh air in the year following my breakdown. He had always had a huge smile for me that would light up my day and almost, not completely but as close as I could come, help me forget my pain. I felt at ease whenever I was around him, comforted. I felt wanted and that helped me to make it through.

I had spent almost every day with him, helping him to work on the junked motorcycles I had bought out of my desperate need to feel closer to Edward, to hear his warning voice echoing in my head, and then every day after he had gotten them running, we spent tearing up the back roads, and myself, on them. I never could have been that reckless, felt that free, around anyone but Jake. He had a way of making me feel protected without treating me as if I would break at any moment. I felt almost normal. It was pretty damn nice. That was, until he had gotten sick.

I felt the tears begin to fall faster as I remembered the events that had unfolded after that, how worried I had been for Jake when I had waited by the phone for his call, the depression that had crept back up on me as the weeks went by without him, the abruptness he and His father Billy had treated me with each time I had called to inquire about him. I shivered as I remembered my run in with Laurent after I had finally found Edward's meadow and recalled the terror I had felt when the enormous wolves had come and chased him off, saving me from the agony that would have come from his bite.

I looked back on the day when I had given up on waiting for Jacob to call me and had gone to find him myself.. I had been worried and angry when I 'd found out that he had been spending his time with a gang of boys who I knew he hated. He'd told me abut them once, the gang who called themselves "the protectors". He had called it a cult. The way he described them brainwashing its followers terrified him, thinking that he would be next.

I cringed as I remembered the tortured anger in his eyes as I confronted him about it and felt my heart break all over again when he told me that he could no longer be my friend. "I'm not good". It was too close to what Edward had said to me before he left and it broke me once again. I felt the numbness that had come over me as I drove home. I didn't want to think about these things anymore. I just wanted to pack them up and hide them away somewhere where they couldn't hurt me.

After my confrontation with my once best friend I had again become a shell of myself. I felt the shattered remains of my heart tearing at me constantly but forced myself to breath each day and move forward. I finished up my senior year of high school, completely delving myself into my schoolwork and saved enough money from my job at Newtons Outfitters to put toward my first year of college.

I knew that I couldn't stay here in Washington, having to constantly feel the hurtful memories each time I looked around, so I had opted to go away for school. I'd already been accepted into the University of Alaska at Anchorage and though part of me told myself that I was crazy to to move to a place where Edward had planned for us to go together, I felt a strange sense of longing to be there.

Maybe it was my subconscious needing to feel close to him once again or it could have been my need to just face it all and put the past behind me but I said my goodbyes to my father and the tiny group of friends who had stuck with me through my depression and packed my things to head out to start this next chapter in my life.

I found a small apartment close enough to the school that I could get there in a hurry if I was running late. The apartment was on a busy shopping street, which I didn't mind too much because it was only a few short blocks from the cafe where I had started working just two days after arriving. The money I had saved from working at Newtons had been enough to pay my first year of school but I would need to earn enough for rent and other needs.

I truly did love my new home. It was a cute one bedroom flat that sat above a quaint little bakery, the perfect size for a single student to feel comfortable. I loved how bright and airy it was during the day with its cream walls, white cabinets and light colored wood flooring. It helped to take away some of the tension I had felt since leaving home, not all but enough that I could function during my hours away from work.

I hadn't really made any friends here yet. My first semester at school wouldn't start until the spring as I had wanted to have some time to feel comfortable in my new home before immersing myself in stress of schoolwork and the people who I worked with seemed nice enough but I guess my quiet closed demeanor had stopped them from trying to reach out to me.

Margie, the woman who ran the bakery below my apartment tried whenever I would stop in, which I did a lot of because the maple scones especially were out of this world, to make me feel welcome with her bright cheery conversation, but even she had become a bit quieter toward me lately. I guess she started to give up on trying to crack my wall of ice.

I did like Margie though and wished I could open up more toward her but every time I tried to force myself to, I would just feel the loss and hurt from my past resurface and my wall go back up. She reminded me a lot of Alice who had been like a sister to me, the way she constantly bounced around cheerfully as if every part of her day was bright and new and full of excitement. I really did need someone like that in my life right again. Someone who could bring a little light back into my life.

I lifted my head from where it still was pressed into my hands and wiped the tears away. I sat up straight and rolled my shoulders back in determination as I decided then and there, that I would force myself to put the hurt from my past behind me where it belonged and make an effort to be happy again. I got up from my spot on the forest bench and headed back toward home. I was suddenly in the mood for a scone.

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**A.N. **

**Okay, so I know your all probably wondering why I never mentioned Bella finding out about the werewolves. I do have a reason for this that will come later on in the story. She has seen them before, in the meadow where she ran into Laurent, but I'm just not ready yet for her to find out what those huge wolves really were. None of the events after her confrontation with Jacob happened in my story the way they had in New Moon...Hope you guys don't mind...Once again thank you all so much for reading! And as always please R&R while you think about the happy dance you'll be causing me to do!**


	4. Chapter 4

**I do not own any part of S.M.'s brilliant world of the Twilight saga. This is simply my take on the what could have beens.**

**Hey guys! I'm soooooo sorry about this being such a late update...Real life has been throwing me a whole lot of insanity lately between losing a close friend of my family to cancer and then a bajillion birthdays, one being my own, I've had a majoriffic case of writers block that has caused Jasper and Bella to shut me out of their lives for a while...yeah...So anyway...Here is the next chappy in my little tale. Hope Y'all like it! **

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**Jasper's POV **

I sat in the airport terminal, waiting for my flight to Denali to board, thinking about everything I had found out since I'd left home. It made me nervous how Jessica had described Bella's acting out after we left. I hated to think about everything we'd put her through for the last two years and wondered once I found her if she would even be willing to help me.

I wouldn't blame her at all if she decided to ignore my request and If she chose to scream at me, to want nothing to do with me, I would completely understand. I actually welcomed the anger that she might feel. I was tired of everyone's understanding. I didn't deserve it.

Though I expected her to be shocked and upset when I showed up at her front door, I did hope that she would eventually forgive me. There was no way that I could ever go back to my family empty handed. I owed them this, the chance to heal, to feel happy again, so they could finally move on with their lives. I refused to once again let them down.

I was pulled from my thoughts when I heard the loudspeaker overhead announce that my flight would begin to board. I stood up and walked to the gate hoping that I would be one of the first to be seated. I knew how impatient some people could be and though over the past two years I have tried harder than ever to reign in the temptation that their warm pulses caused me, I didn't want to tempt fate by having their anxious bodies pressed against mine as they attempted to push me forward.

I felt that luck was with me when the tall blond attendant smiled saucily and motioned for me to come forward. I felt the lust coming off of her in waves as she looked me up and down and while this would normally cause me to feel uncomfortable, receiving special treatment based solely on my looks, at that moment I just felt relief that I would be able to avoid the boarding rush.

As I handed over my ticket I felt her hand, not so subtly brush over mine as she looked at me and winked in an obvious show of innuendo. I could just imagine the thoughts of the mile high club, of which I was pretty sure she was a full pledged member, drifting through her mind. I chuckled silently to myself at the knowledge that she would be sorely disappointed. Still, I hoped she had been assigned to attend in coach, I didn't want the hassle of her extra attention.

I walked through the short connection tunnel and took my seat in first class, glad that I was the first to board so that I could prepare myself before the plane filled to the brim with anxiety induced racing hearts. I hated to fly, even more so now. I had never flown without Alice next to me acting as a buffer and looking into her visions to make sure that nothing would go wrong. It made me nervous not knowing if I could handle this without her reassurance.

I tried as best as I could to tone down the anxiety I had begun to feel as I noticed the other passengers begin to board the plane, knowing that my nervousness would only radiate to them, causing more trouble than I could handle. I watched as the seats around me filled up, hoping that whoever sat next to me wouldn't have too much of a phobia of flying, when I noticed the small sandy haired boy look up at the number above where I sat. This was good, I thought to myself, I could handle this. I could never hurt a child, the pain of that thought would keep me sane.

I saw him look nervously back down at me and felt his fear and shock as he fully took in my appearance. That was what I loved about children, not the fear I caused them but the pure innocence of their unhidden emotions, the way they weren't afraid to show on their faces exactly how they felt. Their ability to follow their instincts was also much stronger than most adults and I knew as soon as I felt his trepidation, that he could sense danger from me. I smiled softly at him and gave off as much reassuring calm as I could, hoping that I could settle his nerves.

"Did you find your seat okay, Justin?" I heard a soft voice say as an attendant, not the blond who took my ticket i noticed pleasantly, but a small brunet who gave off the same gentle motherly feel as Esme, knelt down to him. I was relieved that this would be the woman working in my compartment as I felt the kind concern for the boy coming from her. She glanced up at me and smiled politely, a small blush on her face that held nothing but a slight shy embarrassment at her sudden notice of my presence.

The child nodded his head at her and I noted a small smile playing at the corner of his lips. With the woman's caring warmth and the calm I had been sending, I could feel as he began to relax.

"You must be so excited to go visit your daddy all the way in Alaska" she said, trying to get the boys mind off of the flight he was obviously taking alone.

"Uh huh" he returned, the small smile widening a bit as he bobbed his head up and down.

"And I'm sure your daddy must be just jumping up and down, thinking of what a big boy you are that you would fly all the way there to see him!" I could see his eyes light up at that and wondered if the woman had kids of her own. She must, I thought to myself, to have such a way with children.

"Yeah, he's gona take me fishin for slamon" he said in a proud voice and I chuckled softly at his mispronunciation of the word. "They're as big as me!" He said matter-of-factly, while spreading his arms out wide.

The woman let her eyes go wide and put her hand over her heart in an over-show of amused shock which thrilled the boy even more.

"That's soooo big, how will you hold it up for the camera when you catch it?" she asked him in surprise, her eye's still wide as saucers.

I had to suppress another chuckle as I watched him puff his little chest out and screw on what he must have thought was his best macho man face.

"I can do it, I'm really strong, like the hulk!" He had me with that and I let out a laugh as the woman giggled and patted the boy on his arm playfully.

"Okay mister strong man, how 'bout you get in your seat and I'll be right back with a surprise..." she said in a quiet mysterious voice that caused the little boy to beam with a huge smile that showed his missing front teeth.

I watched their playful exchange fondly as I noticed the grin that was still spread across my face. It was the most heart warming scene I had experienced since I could remember. I saw the boy look up at me with a sparkle now in his eyes, my happiness at the moment obviously matched his because he wore the same toothless grin he had given the kind attendant.

She came back a few moments later carrying a coloring book with a big blue airplane on the front of it, a small box of crayons and a bag of animal cookies. The child reached his hands out excitedly for his gifts and I watched in amazement as his smile widened even further. He thanked the woman and I could feel his excitement as he quickly flipped through the book looking for the perfect page to color, then delving himself into it completely.

I was brought out of my pleasant musings when the attendant turned to me, the smile of amusement for the child still showing on her face, and asked if I needed anything. I politely declined and watched as she headed to attend to the next row of passengers.

As I watched her leave, I felt the smile leave my face as the contentment I had been so immersed in was immediately replaced by fear and shock. I had been so involved in the conversation between the attendant and the little boy that I hadn't even registered the anxious pulses that now beat all around me. I felt the white hot burning begin to overwhelm me then and gritted my teeth, slowly trying to reign in my discomfort.

I looked back to where the child sat coloring and noticed that he met my gaze with worry. I forced myself to give him a reassuring smile and attempted to calm myself. It worked. It had never come so easy to me before but as I sat looking at the boy and watched as the tension once again left him and noticing again that I no longer fully registered the heartbeats around me I felt the small beginnings of hope.

I sat completely motionless and in a bit of shock over this new development, thinking to myself that maybe, just maybe, I had found a way to control myself. In my determination to see that the child who sat beside me remain calm and safe, I had, for just a while, been able to block out the temptation that the blood flowing rapid throughout the cabin would have normally caused me.

For the rest of the flight I focused on this, watching from the corner of my eye as the child continuously scribbled his way through his book. I relished in the euphoria that this new hope brought me, Realizing that perhaps there could be a way for me to put a stopper in my blood lust. I didn't dare to let myself completely relax on this, knowing that to put my full faith in it could have disastrous consequences but I couldn't help but to hope and pray that I had found a way.

I had been so involved in my thoughts that it surprised me when the overhead speakers announced that we would begin our descent into Denali. Normally, my anxiety over being this tightly crammed into a space with so many people caused my flight experiences to drag on for what seemed much longer than they actually were. This flight however, with the detraction I was now mentally clinging to, had seemed to go by incredibly fast. I felt another smile begin to creep up on me. That was a very welcome change.

I let out a breath of relief as I felt the plane's wheels touch to the runway but then with the realization that I would soon be confronting Bella, who would be most likely anything but welcoming toward my sudden appearance, immediately sucked the escaped air back in. This, unlike the new and very gratifying realization I had experienced during my flight, was not going to be pleasant by any means.

Well, at least I would be giving myself a break for a day or two to catch up with a few extended family members and see if they might be able to help in some way. I had been to visit them several times over the years here in Alaska but having preferred to stay as far away as I could from civilization while on these trips, not wanting to cause any unneeded temptation for myself, I haven't exactly had the chance to become familiar with the areas outside the proximity of the Denali sister's home.

I didn't have the first clue as to where I would once again begin looking. All I knew was that Bella was now living in Anchorage, a place in which I had never been. I was sure though that Tanya, Irina and Kate were familiar enough with the place, having ventured there a few times, most likely in their search of a few lusty male conquests of the beating heart variety which was an activity that they were quite fond of and one which I never could fully comprehend. The thought of being so closely intimate to such temptation without losing control was something I had no desire to test out.

Putting their frisky extracurricular activities aside however, the sisters, in their normal surroundings were quite pleasant and fun to be around. They were a very carefree bunch and when in their presence I always had a sense of being around old friends who I could be completely myself with. After the tension that had been building in me for the past two years I knew I could seriously use a dose of their lighthearted camaraderie, and hopefully they could also help me to figure out where to go from there.

**Bella's POV**

I took a deep breath as I walked up to the glass door of the bakery, hoping that my new determination to be friendly, after how off putting I had been acting since moving here, wouldn't cause Margie to think I'd gone completely nutzo. It wouldn't be the first time that I had, without meaning to, caused people to think that I'd popped a screw loose, so I knew that it really wasn't anything I couldn't handle, but being in a new place, where I was trying my hardest to make a fresh start, I really hoped that I could stop myself from adding yet another notch in the pathetic post that was my life.

I breathed in deeper, desperate to steady my now straining nerves and shaking hands as I reached out for the door handle. I had almost managed to calm myself well enough to put on a decent show of normalcy when the door chime, which I've heard a hundred times before, but was not expecting in my anxious state, caused me to let out a loud "Gaaah!" and jump about a foot. What the hell was wrong with me?

I was sure I must have looked like a complete spastic idiot and had most likely scared the bejezzuz out of Margie who I noticed was now staring at me with wide eyes and a mouth that could catch flies. I felt my face redden but before I could melt to the marble floor and die, I noticed in shock, as a loud Emmet sized guffaw, I wouldn't have thought such a slight woman capable of, escaped her lips. She looked at me silently in amazement and Just before I decided cut my losses and bolt the hell out of there and up the stairs to my apartment to wallow in my mortification, I noticed as she began to vibrate and watched as she closed her eyes tightly and let out a loud peel of laughter.

"Oh for the love of all that's holy! That...was...priceless!" she managed in between fits of laughter. "I didn't think anyone outside of a cartoon could jump that high!" Her shoulders were now shaking so hard it was a wonder they were still attached.

I didn't know whether to be insulted, embarrassed or amused as I stood there with my own mouth hanging wide at her mirth but I guess my subconscious had decided for me when I noticed my body begin to shake with my own quiet giggles. Well, she must already think I'd lost my mind, looks like she's hit the deep end a bit herself, I might as well roll with it...and I let loose.

We both stood there looking like a couple of idiots laughing until we were both clutching at our sore sides with tears threatening to stream down our faces. I knew that the reason for our loss of sense was no where near as amusing as we were making it out to be but as I felt the tension that I had been holding on to for far too long begin to slowly separate itself from me, I could care less. This felt amazing!

"Oh, oh, I seriously needed that" Margie said as she let her laughter slow and tried to catch her breath. "The way my day's been goin I didn't think I'd ever smile again" She put her hand over her chest as if willing her heartbeat to slow and shook her head, smiling at me in what seemed like appreciation.

I knew exactly how she felt, except that for her, our giggle fit had been a welcomed outlet from a single bad day, where as mine had been a long overdue and amazingly freeing release of tension that had built up for over two years.

"Oh, you have no idea..." I said as I recovered myself and my now sore ribs from the outburst that had been like a strong dose of happy pills. I let out a large sigh and noticed with pure pleasure that my body, inside and out, felt a whole lot lighter.

It was amazing what a little, or a lot..., of laughter could do for your nerves. I suddenly felt like this wasn't such a difficult thing to do after all. Seeing that after my little spaz show I hadn't caused her to run out of the shop screaming "beware of the nut job" but instead had witnessed her losing herself right along with me, I knew that I would have no trouble with finally letting her in.

I once again squared my shoulders back, picking up the determination I had felt while sitting on the bench of that trail and walked up to the counter, smiling and ready to finally open up and make a friend. I let out a silent chuckle as I thought that if she had been that amused by my wacky door chime dance, she'd probably die laughing if I let her in on some of my past "only Bella" mishaps. Only one way to find out...

"So, bad day huh? Wana talk about it?".

**Well, there it is chicas and chicos (if there are any chicos...cause that would be freakin awesome!) Hope y'all enjoyed. I know this was mostly a filler and you are all just dying to see Bella and Jasper finally reconnect, but seeing as how they're both still struggling a bit with their own personal demons, I thought this was a necessary step...So I'm hoping y'all aren't ready to bite my typing fingers off...**

**And as always, R&R cause Bella seriously needs a few extra friends right now...**


	5. Chapter 5

**I do not own any part of S.M.'s brilliant world of the Twilight saga. This is simply my take on the what could have beens.**

**A.N.**

**Yay! Two Chapters in two days! I figured I had made you guys wait for so long with the last update that you deserved a nice break. Plus, seeing as my writers block is a nice little non-issue at the moment, I'm in a pretty damn good mood. So here you go wichyo bad selves...Hope y'all like it!**

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**Jaspers POV**

I got into the shiny black pickup truck I'd acquired at the rental desk and after taking in another hefty yet unneeded breath, I started the engine. I listened to the melodic purr it gave off and relished in it's smooth vibrations. _Ahhh,_ _I think I'm in love_...

It had been a long time since I've had the pleasure of driving what I liked to think of as one of man's greatest gifts to his fellow roughneck and I was liking it. I'd been in Emmet's monstrous jeep on many occasions, and while it was a blast, it just didn't have the same backwoods down home feel to it as a big ol' pickup. Alice had never shared my appreciation for strong rugged machinery, instead always opting for the "eye candy" as she referred to her flashy little soapboxes as, and so I figured as long as I was out here on my own I'd give myself a treat.

I pulled away from the curb after revving the engine a few times just for kicks, and headed on my way to the Denali sister's home. I knew my way there from the airport like the back of my hand, one nice perk to being a vampire, automatic super memory. I took the shortcut and it didn't take long before I was pulling into the stretch of winding dirt paved drive that led to their house.

I bounced around in my seat as the truck made its way over the ruts and stones and wished I could just go take this baby backroading for a while, get her dirtied up properly before I had to finish my search. I stopped my thoughts in their tracks though after I took a minute to remember why I was here in the first place and how unhappy everyone at home was. I needed to focus. I had to find a way, a reason for them all to smile again and I needed to find Bella. I could take my bumpy dirt road trip later.

I pulled the truck into the circle drive that sat in front of the enormous stone house and reluctantly turned off the engine. I knew my visit here would be a surprise to my friends as I hadn't called ahead but knowing them as I did I didn't think they'd mind my sudden drop-in. After I walked up the steps and knocked at the large wooden front door which opened before I could get my second knock in, I realized my mistake.

"Oh it's you..." came the very disappointed voice of Irina as she took me in with downcast eyes and I noticed a sense of saddened loss radiating from her usually upbeat self. Normally she was the first to throw her arms around us when we had come for a visit. What could have caused this new depressed version of my friend?

"Nice to see you too..." I said in a mock insulted voice hoping to lighten the atmosphere a bit. It didn't work.

"I'm sorry Jazz, I, um, I gotta go" and she hurried past me out the door and toward the woods that sat on the outskirts of the property.

I looked after her, not knowing if I should follow, when I felt a warm wave of pleasant surprise come from inside the doorway.

"Jasper! What a nice surprise!" I turned back toward the house and saw Tanya smiling at me. I gave her a quick hug and turned my eyes toward the forest then back at her, my brows raised in question.

"Oh, don't worry about her." She said waving her hand in dismissal. "She's been a bit moody lately since she had to let her little boy toy go on his way." She smirked as if this was nothing new to her but I felt the undercurrents of sadness for her sister.

"Another one of her hot blooded conquests huh?" I asked shaking my head in amused disdain. I would never understand their warped fascination.

"Nope" she replied, popping the P "This one was as stone solid as the rest of us. Laurent. He'd decided to stay a bit longer than he had originally planned after you guys left for New Hampshire and, well, him and Irina, for lack of a better phrase, figured they'd take a go at it" Huh...I'd kind of liked Laurent after I'd gotten to know him during our last stay here.

He'd seemed like a decent guy, well after he had split from Jame's psychotic little coven, and the vibes he had given off whenever I'd been around him always seemed honest. He had also been curious enough about our "lifestyle choices" that he wanted to try them out. I wonder why he took off?

"So what went wrong?" I asked, hoping he hadn't done something to purposely hurt my friends. She shrugged at my question and looked thoughtful for a second before replying.

"Not much really. They'd seemed happy enough with one another and I could tell that Irina was falling fast, but then one day he just decided to take off saying something about wanting to catch up with an old friend...Irina was pretty torn up about it, but she let him go, sure that he would come back when he'd decided he missed her enough. That was the last time we've heard from him and she's been this way every since. Still waiting..." She shook her head and I could feel her pity and then in another instant a flash of amusement. That didn't surprise me much. It was just the way she was.

"Actually, to be honest with you, I don't think he much liked the "veggie" diet we'd put him on and he probably decided to escape to a more appealing all you can eat buffet." She giggled slightly at her joke but then I felt her grow sad again.

"oh well, she'll come around eventually...Lets go say hi to Kate, I'm sure she could use an audience for her new little hobby..." I internally groaned at her conspiratorial tone. Hobby? did I even want to know?

I noticed then as we stepped inside, a crazy blast of music coming from the den and wondered what the hell she could be doing in there with all that racket. As we rounded the corner I let out an amused chuckle and shook my head in embarrassment for my friend.

"Guitar Hero, Kate?...Seriously" She was standing in front of one of the biggest flat screens I had ever seen outside of a television studio working her hands in crazy patterns, her tongue pressed against her bottom lip in concentration as she bobbed along in weird jolts with the rhythm. She didn't look away from her game as she shot me a wave of annoyance and tsk'd.

"Don t knock it Jazz...It's my thing" she stated and I had to let out another choked laugh because seriously, this was hilarious. If Rosalie hadn't grabbed him up first, Kate and Emmet would have been great together. I'd always thought so and this new oh-so-Em pastime of hers just proved it.

"So what'dya doin here anyway? No warning that the cowboy's a'ridin in? and where's everyone else?" She asked still not looking away from the screen. She was so involved I was amazed she was able to speak.

"Yeah, sorry about not calling first, I kind of have some business to attend to in Anchorage and hoped you guys could maybe help me out with it..."

Kate stopped playing then, which, with how involved she had been, seemed like a miracle and looked at me in surprise. I guess the sudden wariness of my voice had peeked her interest enough to distract her.

"Anchorage? What's in Anchorage?" She asked and I was almost sure I felt a cautious vibe coming from her almost like she already knew the answer. The feeling was so fleeting though, that I decided to ignore it.

I sat down on the large plush couch and rubbed my hands over my face. Where to begin? I figured I'd just cut to the chase and put it flat out there.

"Bella, Bella's in Anchorage" I heard gasps from both woman and turned to look at their now stunned faces.

"Ohhhh no. nope, nope, no!" Kate began franticly shaking her head back and forth, reminding me of a toddler after she was told to pick up her toys.

"Have you lost your mind Jazz? I mean completely? Edward will have your head!" her voice was almost a whine and I knew that she really would have done anything to help under normal circumstances but this was a very sore issue. Nobody wanted to deal with another one of my brothers bouts of dramatics.

"Kate, let's just hear him out. It may not be as bad as you think..." _Thank you Tanya for the voice of reason_, I thought to myself but I knew she wouldn't be quite so understanding either once she heard what I had to say.

"Fine!" Kate yelled once again acting like a child getting ready for a good scolding. I was surprised that she hadn't stomped her foot and I almost let out a chuckle at that. She really could be such a big kid sometimes. I took a deep breath and began my explanation.

"Okay, I know you all have been in contact with the family since we moved and I know you've heard that Edward hasn't been with us since then and about Emmet and Rose taking off to Russia, so you probably have a pretty good idea so far, of what a shitty situation my family's been in since we left Forks, but I'm telling you both, you don't know the half of it."

I began telling them about how shattered my home had been for the last two years, the raw emotions and broken feelings I had felt coming from them each day until it had been too much to handle. I continued on, explaining to them about how I knew that this had been mostly my fault to begin with and so it was only right to find some way to fix it and the only way I knew of doing that was with Bella's help. Kate was of course, the first to speak up.

"That's a bunch of bullshit Jazz and you know it!" Pardon?

"This wasn't all you, so get over yourself already!" She yelled at me and I blanched in shock. Get over myself? What? of course it was my fault! If I'd had better control of myself none of this would have happened in the first place!

"How the hell can you say that? My idiotic lust drove me to threaten Bella's life that night. It's what set this all in motion. Damnit it's my fucking fault! and I need to make it right!" I screamed back at her and then felt myself go weak at her shocked but pissed expression. Ugh, what was the matter with me? I had to take in a deep breath, this time a much needed one, to calm my nerves that were now screaming to come back up to the surface.

I felt slightly ashamed at my outburst but I knew that with all the tension boiling over it was bound to slip out eventually. I'm glad it was now and in the presence of friends who I knew would understand. After all Kate was the one that started in with her own temper tantrum, so I didn't feel that bad about mine. But enough that I almost didn't notice Tanya clear her voice before she started speaking.

"Jasper, calm down, okay? Seriously, think about it. Who was the one who decided he had to go all Romeo and fall in love with a human? Who was the one who went against any lack of sense and brought her into your family? And who was the one who, instead of loving her enough to stick it out and try to fix it himself, went off pussy-pouting "it's for your own good"?" I shook my head not wanting to pass all the blame onto my brother. I could feel his love for Bella and I knew that he really did believe he was doing the most responsible thing, the safest thing for her.

"This was Edward's Choice, Jasper. You may have had a small hand in the time line of things, but not enough that you should have to put this completely upon yourself to fix." I lowered my eyes and felt my strength drain.

I knew Tanya had a point and maybe I would have listened to her a few months ago but it didn't matter to me anymore. Maybe Edward was the one who ran off to wallow on his own but I was the one who had stuck by my family's side and had watched them crumble. I wasn't going to let it go on anymore.

"I have to help them" The feelings that came from my family before I left attacked me again as I remembered. Kate and Tanya saw me cringe and I suddenly felt their determination to talk sense into me melt. They knew then there was no stopping me and from the next wave I got from them I knew they would help me. Acceptance and hope.

"Thank you" I said to both of them without meeting their eyes or waiting to hear their confirmation. I knew i didn't need to when I heard Kate speak the next words.

"Well, I guess we should go find her then..." That's more like it.

We started our search the next day, first looking through the online phone listings, but after realizing, to our amazement, that there were far more Isabella Swans living in Anchorage area than we actually felt like sorting through, we decided to just go there and look around for a while and see if we got lucky.

We decided it would be more sensible to rent a hotel room right in town than it would be to make the constant trips back and forth, in case it took longer than a few days to find Bella, so we booked the room and then we all, minus Irina who had decided to stay home and wait "just in case", loaded into my rented truck, which I was growing increasingly more fond of by the second, and hit the road.

I really hoped it didn't take too long once we got there because I had started to feel the sisters growing frisky, not towards me but in general and I seriously didn't want to be around to witness their human clad warm blooded romps. I noticed as I was thinking this that Kate looked over at Tanya and gave her a huge smile of anticipation which caused Tanya to wink back at her and then at the exact same second as their frisky bar when up another level they both crossed their fingers. _Oh Lordy..._

**Bella's POV**

Margie and I sat for hours after our little laugh explosion, in between customers and her baking, which I had a blast helping her with, talking about everything and nothing, all at once. It was amazing how just a day ago I had been so wrapped up in my own little empty shell that I had a hard time even mustering out a simple "Hello" to anyone and now I was laughing and joking around with her as if we'd been friends forever. She was just such a warm, welcoming and yes a bit nutty person, that I couldn't help but to feel at ease.

We hadn't delved into any of our more serious "scary past" topics yet, because it would probably take me a little more warming up time than one day to go down that road, but I did feel as if, when I was ready, I could share the craziness of my past with her. Minus the whole shiny blood drinkers thing of course. But I did feel as if I could trust her with most of it at least.

We went back out to the display area, from where we had been working back in the kitchen, when we heard the door chime ring again. We couldn't help but let another wave of giggles escape us each time we heard it and it was soon becoming my new favorite sound. While Margie was attending to another customer, I took a moment to glance out the large store front windows and noticed that the sky had become a deep indigo. I let my smile fall a bit as I realized that It must be almost closing time.

I felt a little sadness creeping up on me as I thought about having to go back up to my empty apartment, where I did way too much thinking, mostly thoughts of the past, for my own good. I knew now, after the day I'd had, that it would do absolutely nothing for me to be alone right now. I didn't want to fall back into my old pathetic pattern of wallowing and somehow I knew that If I had to set foot in that door on my own so soon, that's exactly what I'd be doing for the rest of the night. I really didn't want the bakery to close...

I heard the door chime again as the man who had finished his order left the store but this time I didn't have it in me to smile about it, especially when I noticed Margie following close behind him to flip over the welcome sign to "closed". Just as I was ready to reluctantly wish her goodnight and make the long climb back upstairs to my sallow home she cleared her throat.

"So ya wanna go get a drink?" she asked as she feigned an exhausted stretch and then smiled at me slyly. Hell yes I do!

I nodded at her trying my best to hold back the excitement I felt over not having to go home quite yet. I seriously didn't want to freak her out in case she misconstrued my need to stay away from the solitude of my place for a while as a weird freaky neediness. She seemed just as excited as I felt though as she bounced around the shop cleaning up and so when it was time to head out I let a big smile spread across my face that matched her own goofy grin.

I could tell tonight was not going to be boring as I grabbed my wallet from where I had stashed it behind the counter while she locked up and then we burst into another round of laughter when that faithful old door chime rang again.

"Off to Tasty Pete's!" she yelled out as we began to walk arm in arm down the sidewalk. I looked at her in amusement as I recognized the name and let out a loud chuckle. Tasty Pete's? Oh what have I gotten myself into?

**A.N. **

**Sorry Bella's POV was so short, but Jaspers was getting pretty damn long there and I felt like I'd kinda pushed some writers etiquette boundaries so I decided to cut it short, but I promise you'll here a lot more from her in the next chapter which is almost finished and should be up in a day or two...And I know, I know, they still haven't freakin met up yet! I'm sooo mean...But please keep reading cause I know when you read my next update you will NOT be disappointed *Scout's Honor!* **

**As always Please R&R. Please, pretty pretty pretty please with sugar and a big rugged helping of Jasper on top? **


	6. Chapter 6

**I do not own any part of S.M.'s brilliant world of the Twilight saga. This is simply my take on the what could have beens.**

**A.N. **

**Hey y'all! Well, I promised you all a chapter that you wouldn't be disappointed with, kept my word cause seriously, I had a BLAST writing it! Well with out further ado....Hope you enjoy!**

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**Bella's POV**

_Oh how had I let Margie talk me into this?_ I thought to myself with a blush the color of squashed raspberries, I was sure, plastered on my cheeks, as I felt the scantly clad, oiled up man run his fingers erotically up my leg, coming a little too close to my no no zone and making me squirm. I'll tell you how. She got me piss assed drunk first, that's how!

I had never had more than a glass of wine at a time, in my life and tonight after entering the "sexy fisherman" themed male review, my new friend had me downing shots of taquilla right off the bat. Big fat no-no! Yeah, I definitely don't recommend it unless your one of those people out looking to make a complete fool of yourself, which I was sad to say I was pretty damn good at doing.

I know it wasn't all Margie's fault, the drunken stupor I now found myself in was more than partially my fault. I should have insisted on starting out slow, but this new high I've been on tonight, stemming from my finally letting go of some of the tension I'd been carrying for so long, had seriously dubbed me incoherent of rationalization for the time being. That paired with the loud music and wild atmosphere of ol' Tasty Pete's had sent me flying completely overboard, pun most definitely freaking intended! I need to wear a sign from now on when I go into these places, "Don't water the Bella".

Even though I've never been here, I knew when Margie had said the name of the place she wanted us to go to, what it was, but damn me for being too chipper to turn around and run like hell in the other direction. The club and it's illusive owner, I don't think anyone had ever actually met him, had a wild reputation amongst the woman of this town and I had always sworn to myself that I would never lower myself to drooling over sweaty men in nothing but suspenders that held up their funky little banana hammocks paired only with sets of big shiny yellow boots. It was just too...well, definitely not for me and my overeager virginal self. But hell if that stopped me from letting Margie push me up on stage for a fifty dollar lap dance...

I started to swerve dizzily in my chair as I watched as the naughty little Gordan's fisherman took my hands in his and attempted to have me feel up and down his well muscled pecks. and then let go of one of my shaking limbs only to snap his suspender at me. Oh, this was so wrong on so many levels. I looked out into the crowd, searching until I spotted a very excited Margie hootin' and hollerin' up at me and mouthed to her "Get me out of this!". She must have finally realized I'd had enough humiliation for one night when she climbed up on stage and slipped another bill into the guys g string and led me off the platform by my hand.

I looked at her, trying my best to shoot darts or maybe lightning bolts, out of my eyes, which I'm sure just made me look more like an awkward owl than a superhero, then whipped my head away and stumbled through the shimmying crowd back to our table.

"I will soooo never forgive you for that" I told her as she smiled wickedly and handed me yet another shot glass full of clear liquid that I was too far gone not to slam down. I knew my threat toward her was weightless because I had a very strong feeling that half of this night would be buried in my brand new cabinet of drunken files never found until you least need them. I shouldn't be this anxious about the naughty thing that just happened to me, especially since every other woman in this place was two sheets to the wind, but it didn't help my nerves at all as I thought about being up on that stage with Mr Handsalot while everyone ogled and cheered us on.

"I feel like everyone's staring at me" I whined to Margie, really feeling now as if I was being watched. she waved me off as if I was being silly and tried to reassure me that all eyes were very much still on stage. I looked up to where she had her gaze pinned and my heart felt like it would stop beating right then and there.

"You've got to be kidding me!" The woman who now sat in captain feelmeup's chair was absolutely gorgeous, and not in just any old stunning way. though I didn't recognize her face I would know that smooth marble-like flawless look anywhere. What the hell was a vampire chick doing in a male review? Oh, I seriously didn't need this right now. I cringed and put my hands on either side of my head as the memories, that I had done such a good job of ignoring tonight, assaulted me. Why? Why after giving me such an awesome taste of freedom would fate stick me back in these damn chains.

"I gotta get out of here" I told Margie as I attempted to stand up and noticed the room swaying around me.

"What? why? the shows just getting started" she complained but when she noticed the tears now streaming from my eyes she took my arm, steadying me and with a look of concern led me out the door and back toward my home. She asked me over and over if I was alright and if there was anything she could do, but I just shook my head and told her I just needed to lie down.

After finally reaching the bakery, though I don't know how we had done it so quickly with me stumbling around so much, she helped me up the stairs to my apartment. My earlier tears had now turned into full out sobs and I was pretty sure that Margie had finally realized how emotionally unstable I really was. She didn't let on to this though and instead tucked me into bed and told me she would be back in the morning with a nice hangover cure. I'm sure after she left she would avoid me like the plague.

After I heard the door shut, telling me she had left, I closed my eyes and tried to let unconsciousness take me over. It didn't happen. Fate in all her conniving bitchy glory, liked to see me squirm, it was her favorite pastime aside from car wrecks and police chases. I lay there for a while sobbing into my hands as my past assailed me over and over and prayed with everything I had, for a bout of amnesia to strike, when I heard what sounded like a knock at my door. I was in no mood for company and so I just continued to lay there, hoping whoever it was would have the good sense to go away. The knocking became more insistent after that though, and I knew I'd have to get rid of them face to face.

I struggled out of bed, feeling as if I was somehow disconnected from my body, but still feeling it's heavy drag as I stumbled to the door. I unlocked it quickly, making sure only to open it a crack, in case it was some crazy naked fisherman on the other side that I would have to slam the door shut into. When my gaze finally caught up with my brain however as I locked eyes with the person in the hall I felt like fate had finally been given her wish and I had at last lost my mind.

"Oh, holy hell..."

**Jasper's POV**

"What the hell!" I yelled at Tanya and Kate as I took in the atmosphere around me. When they suggested we go out, after getting settled into the hotel, I argued that they should just go without me, because seriously, I didn't want any part of their freaky kind of fun, but they dragged my ass along anyway, murmuring how they needed a big strong man to protect them, not fucking likely, but I didn't have the strength to argue with their relenting crazy selves.

I should have known that they had their own twisted agenda in mind when they had me pull up in front of the windowless bar, who's name I had to chuckle at since it reminded me of a nickname my friends wife had given to him a long time ago. I never would have thought though, once we walked into the place and I realized what it was, that Tanya and Kate could ever have sunk this low, and to take me along for the ride? Uh-uhh, not cool

"Are you trying to fuckin emasculate me or something?" I asked them with narrowing eyes as they bust out into laughter. What the hell was their game anyway?

"You might as well get it over with and castrate me now...I'm going back to the hotel" But before I had a chance to turn around and escape out the door, my eye caught the show on stage and my mouth dropped open. There, to my utter astonishment sat a very uncomfortable looking red faced Bella.

I watched, my eyes grew wider, as the half naked man ran his fingers up her body and then took her hands in his, attempting to let her cop a feel. He dropped one hand and I watched her jump slightly as he snapped his costume at her. I would have never thought...and apparently neither would she because she looked mortified. I saw her mouth to someone in the crowd to get her out of it and watched as a small redheaded woman bounced up on stage and led Bella off of it after slipping the stripper a bill.

"Oh look, there's Margie" I heard Kate saying to her sister. I looked at them in shock and question. They knew Bella's friend? This was way too much of a coincidence.

"You two know her?" I raised my brows at them and they shrugged as if it were nothing.

"Yeah, she's a regular blast here. Why?" They asked and I could feel a strange sense of conspiracy rolling off of them both. What was going on?

"Because, the chick she just pulled off stage...That was Bella." They looked at each other in surprise and then guilt and back at me. I could now feel a weird mix of relief, shock, anxiety and of course guilt coming from them which told me that my thoughts earlier, that Kate knew something, were spot on.

"You two knew!" I shouted at them accusingly and watched as they both shook their heads.

"No, well we had a feeling that Margie knew her, but we never thought she'd have brought her here tonight." Kate explained to me with a slight anxious tone to her voice.

"Yeah, Margie'd told us about the new girl living upstairs from her bakery but we didn't think anything of it really, until you mentioned looking for her in Anchorage. Well we put two and two together, but we still weren't sure it was the same Bella. That's why we brought you here tonight. To talk to Margie." Wow. My head was spinning in circles. That was a whole lot to take in. But, holy shit! I'd found Bella!

I looked over to her table and saw her talking to the redhead while her cheeks still looked like she'd been slapped. Should I go over and confront her? Here, in a bar full of excited women? I don't think that would be such a good idea, just in case Bella decided to completely freak out when she saw me. I'd wait until she left.

I turned back towards where my friends had been standing and noticed that Tanya was missing in action. I raised my eyes at Kate in question and she gave me a sly smirk and pointed to the stage. There she sat, in the seat that Bella had just vacated, with a smile on her face as she received a very thorough feel up from the same guy who had just minutes before made Bella blush like a tomato. Good Lord, she needed mental help...

I looked back over toward Bella and noticed she had gone a pasty shade of white, having lost all color including the blush that I thought, from it's intensity, would have surely been permanent. She was staring up at the the stage, her wide eyes locked on Tanya. _Oh no_...She shook her head fiercely, after yelling out in disbelief and then dropping her gaze in what looked like defeat, she grasped her head in her hands. I felt a sudden wave of anguish reach me through the room and watched as a tear slipped from her eye.

She looked at her friend and I heard her say that she had to go and tried to rise unsteadily from her seat. Margie began to argue with her but after taking in her upset state gave in with concern and took her arm and began leading her toward the door. I started to follow, but then I looked back at Kate who I noticed, when I saw her sad expression, had seen it all.

"Go on" she said knowingly "We'll meet you back at the hotel" I nodded to her and then without another word walked out of the bar.

I watched from my truck as Bella's friend walked her up the stairs to her apartment and then waited for what seemed like far too long before she finally emerged again and the coast was clear for me to, at last, confront the girl I'd been looking for. I opened my door and got out, making sure to close it softly, not wanting to alert the neighbors, and made my way across the street to her building.

My nerves were wrapped up in twizzler-like bundles as I made my way up to her place and as I reached my hand out to knock, I noticed the strong, heartbreaking, drunken sorrow wafting through the door at me. I almost wanted to turn back around and wait for another day to let her calm down a bit before she was slammed into the reality of my presence but I couldn't leave now. If I had to wait even another minute, I felt like I'd go crazy. So I lifted my hand the rest of the way to the door and knocked.

I tapped softly at first and then stood and waited for the door to open, which it never did. I knocked again louder this time, finally hearing the sound of shuffling feet moving across the floor and after another full minute the lock on the handle jiggled and the door opened slightly, I saw a very red faced Bella with swollen tear stained eyes, peek at me through the small crack.

"Bella?" I seriously hoped she wouldn't start screaming, the neighbors wouldn't like that too much.

"Oh, holy hell..." she said as she widened her eyes and took me in and then to my astonishment, without another word, she turned and walked back into the room. She left the door cracked open so without an invitation, I followed her inside. My nose crinkled as I took in her fragrance, the old Bella smell was there but now it was mixed in with what seemed to have been an exploding liquor store.

I followed behind her into the small kitchen and stood by the door waiting for her to say something. She looked back at me quickly and then turned away once again shaking her head as she did and I noticed as her shoulders began to vibrate. At first I thought she had started to cry again until I realized that the feelings radiating from her didn't quite match that. I got a feeling of irony and amused disbelief rolling off of her. She was laughing?

"This is perfect...ohh this is just freakin great" she said still shaking her head and now laughing outright. Was I missing something?

"My first time with alcohol and I'm hallucinating!" Her voice had now turned an almost shrill pitch and though I could have stood there frozen forever, I suddenly felt the need to sit down. I crossed the room to the small table and pulled out a chair for myself, raising my eyebrows, asking her permission.

"knock yourself out, might as well make my imaginary friend comfortable" she waved her hand toward the chair in a mock show of welcome and then shook her head again. If she didn't stop it I was sure it would pop off and fly across the room, and then my eyes widened as she let out a sudden loud "Ha!". I suddenly felt the urge to duck for cover.

"Voices my ass! If I'da known sooner..." she had now completely lost it and the giggles rolled off of her in spastic waves. "A few drinks and I coulda got visuals!" she exclaimed, slurring each word.

What the hell was she talking about? Maybe Jessica Stanley wasn't being quite the bitch I thought she was after all, in her descriptions of Bella. She seriously had seemed to have gone off the deep end. She thought she was imagining me and was now talking about hearing voices... This was really starting to freak me out. How was Bella going to help me if she wasn't quite all there? That would be a problem.

"Bella" I said slowly, in the most stern but calm voice I could muster in my freaked state. "I am not a hallucination." She then narrowed her eyes at me and smirked.

"Yeah, keep tellin yourself that pretty boy, cause I'm sooo gona listen to my freakin mirage! but let me let you in on somethin you might not realize..." she put her finger out and waved it at me as if in scolding and narrowed her eyes further. "You're the wrong freakin vampire!" With that, she let out a groan and slapped a hand over her mouth and with the other hand clutched her stomach as she took off for what I was assuming was the bathroom.

I sooo did not want to follow her in there but having been brought up with manners and knowing that if my mother, god rest her soul was here with me now, I'd get a hard slap to the back of the head for not helping Bella out in her time of need. I took in a deep breath of air and held it as I reluctantly got up from my seat and walked toward where she was now bent over and heaving.

I reached my hand down and attempted to gather her hair back from her face when she suddenly began to wave me away from her.

"ugh, please, I seriously don't need some crazy stalker vision standing there watching me lose my dinner" Oh she had no idea how much I would just like to bolt from this room but if my Mama taught me anythingb it was how to take care of a woman.

"Sorry Bella, I don't think I can just leave you here to drown in the toilet, so c'mon and let me help you get cleaned up" I reached down to help her up once I was sure she was done, but she waved me off once again and began to try to stand on her own.

"You see? you cant help me...Cause your not real!" She slurred back at me as if telling me something that I should obviously know already. She had almost managed to get fully to her feet before her right knee gave out and she went tumbling to the side. I managed to reach my hands out before she hit the ground fully and heard the loud smack as she crashed into my stone solid arms. She let out a small squeak and then looked up at me with her eyes wide as they could go as she took me in fully for the first time. I felt panic and confusion begin to overwhelm her then.

"Oh shit..." she breathed out in a barely there whisper before going completely limp in my arms. Well, at least I'd found her...

**A.N.**

**Soooooo.......How'd y'all like drunken Bella? I thought she was a loose screw party in a box myself....lol. **

**Please R&R and tell me what ya thought cause I know you want to....and feel free to PM me if you have any questions. I promise I'll try to quench your curiosity as best as I can....Until next time peeps... **


	7. Chapter 7

**I do not own any part of S.M.'s brilliant world of the Twilight saga. This is simply my take on the what could have beens.**

**A.N.**

**Hey all you awesome, wonderful, beautiful people who take time out of your busy lives just to spend time with my craziness! I hope y'all know what an honor it is for me to hear that your enjoying this so thank you to those who have reviewed and favorited my story! Well here's chapter 7, hope you enjoy!**

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**Bella's POV**

I woke up the next morning, groaning at my aching head and what felt like bruises covering most of the right side of my body as my horrendously loud alarm clock pumped out Daughtry's "Going Home". I let out another groan as I realized the irony of the song after just waking up from dreams of being back in Forks, except this time It wasn't Edward's face that had occupied most them, but his brother's. What in the world was I doing dreaming about Jasper?

The dream had started out here in my apartment, where Jasper was trying to convince me he wasn't a hallucination while I verbally assaulted him, that was strange enough, but then it went on to us sitting at my kitchen table in forks, only, the once bright yellow room was now painted a dark crimson and strung with bright flashing lights. Some unseen stereo was blaring out the song "Macho Man", while I tried to stop Jasper's insistence on giving me a lap dance. Ugh...That was the last time I ever got trashed in a strip club.

I started to sit up and then immediately lay back down when I felt my brain begin doing the mambo in my head. I was so glad that I had the day off of work because if I had to stand there and listen to a bunch of caffeine deprived customers scream at me about getting their orders wrong I would probably end up hurting someone and I really didn't want to get fired.

I started to close my eyes again hoping to get back to sleep and praying that I could actually sleep long enough to get rid of this horrible thumping headache, but as soon as I felt my lashes touch my cheek I popped them back open. Was I still drunk? I must be and not even know it because the vision I got as soon as my lids were shut freaked me right out. Jasper. Again. Where had this come from?

I hadn't seen or heard from any of the Cullens since they had left me to my misery in Forks, and had only ever had fleeting thoughts of Jasper and those were either memories of my disaster of an eighteenth birthday party, which I really didn't blame him for, or to wonder how him and Alice were doing. I never, ever, had thought about him this way before and it was really weirding me out. What the hell could have possessed me to dream about him? And then I remembered the gorgeous vampire girl from the male review. That must be it. She must have triggered these thoughts...but that still didn't make sense.

If I was going to dream about anyone it should have been Edward right? Lord knows I've done enough tossing and turning over him, or they could have even been about Alice who had been my best friend and like a sister to me, so obviously I would dream about her on occasion. But Jasper? I just couldn't make sense of it.

I thought back to where my dream had started with Jasper at my front door. It had seemed so real, so solid, like I could touch it and smell it and just feel it. I had had vivid dreams before, especially right after Edward had left me, tearing my world apart, but even those couldn't compare to the realness of this one.

The more I thought about it, the more exasperated I got and with every blink of my eye which gave me yet another peek at him, I began to become more furious at the idiocy. _Snap out of it Bella! _I yelled at myself. This was ridiculous. I had felt, thought, and done a lot of crazy things in my life but this was by far the most bizarre. I couldn't make sense of it. Maybe if I finished waking up I'd see the connection. Coffee...I need coffee.

I sat up and swung my feet over the side of my bed and winced as I did. Beside the fact that my head was still doing the jig and my need to pee and maybe vomit a little was growing increasingly more urgent by the second, my bare feet on the wooden floor felt like I was standing on an ice skating rink scattered with pine needles. Did hangovers give you supersensitive nerve endings?

I quickly crossed my room to where I had left my slippers, trying my best to make as little contact with the floor as possible, _note to self: leave slippers in front of bed, cold feet make angry __Bella, _and as soon as I had them on and had recovered enough from the icy cold floor, I practically bolted to the bathroom to relieve my straining bladder.

I stood up and washed my hands once I felt light enough to move and began my beeline to where I kept the coffee grounds when I heard a knock at the door. Images from my dream began to pop up again as I remembered another knock from a certain vampire who was really beginning to piss me off. Ugh...here we go again. I immediately shook my head back and forth, fiercely trying to rid myself of the intrusive thoughts. Oh, I really need the caffeine to clear my head. Whoever this was, was going to pay dearly for taking me on a detour of my coffee pot.

I crossed the room quickly, fully intent on murdering whoever this was that could be so rude as to interrupt my morning funk and after noisily turning the lock, I swung the door open. My eyes went wide as I took in the wide smiling face of Margie.

"I come bearing the elixir of life" she said in a voice that reminded me of an ancient bearded sorcerer from a movie I had once seen and I had to let out a snort at her cheesiness.

I looked down as I saw her raise her arms slightly and noticed that her hands were full. In one she held a shopping bag full of brightly colored who-knows-what and in the other she was clutching two clear mugs. I raised my brows and smirked at her when I noticed the etchings on them. Fishermen?...Real funny...

"Really Margie?..." she let out a laugh at my sarcastic tone and held them up further, looking at them in amused appreciation.

"I couldn't help it, they were too good to pass up" she chuckled again and I shook my head at her but couldn't help the small smile that snuck up on my lips, she was too much.

I stepped aside as she began to walk around me and I followed as she headed to the kitchen. I watched, too tired to question her, as she began opening one cabinet after another as if she owned the place and then, not finding what she was looking for, turned back around, her eyebrows raised and held up what looked like an economy sized bottle of tomato juice.

"You got a pitcher?" Uh oh

I pointed toward one of the bottom cabinets and then looked back at the huge bottle she had set on the counter in front of her, with disdain. _She better be making soup cause I ain't drinking that stuff_... I figured I'd better make sure that whatever was going into those mugs wasn't going to send me running sick into the bathroom.

"What are you making?" I was sure of the answer but really hoped I was wrong...

"Bloody Mary's of course!" she said sounding downright chipper at the prospect of drinking vegetables and I groaned internally. I had never tried what had been one of my mothers favorite morning drinks after yet another long night out, but I had smelled it... My stomach began to turn just thinking about the liquefied veggie concoction.

"Really? You don't have to go through all that trouble, I mean I can brew a pot of coffee, it'll only take a minute" I said trying to sound as innocent and polite as I could, hoping she'd take the bait. No dice.

"Oh, its no trouble" she waved her hand at me and smiled as if I were being silly again.

"I'm the one who got you trashed last night, this is the least I could do" The least she could do was let me make my coffee...but I didn't say that because as I looked at her busying herself to try to make me feel better I felt a wave of warm fuzzies come over me. This was the nicest thing anyone had done for me in a very long time and I wasn't going to complain. It still didn't mean I had to like it...

She began pouring different things in the pitcher with a few splashes of this and a few dashes of that and as I watched her I really wished I'd had enough backbone to just take the mixing spoon out of her hand and explain that tomatoes were made for eating, not drinking, I mean who wanted to drink a tomato? But I just stood there instead and let her do her thing.

She finished stirring the sloshy red liquid around and then after pouring it into the glasses, stuck a celery stalk in each one. Well at least this gives me a reason to quench my curiosity on something I'd been wondering about for a while. The whole celery thing. I mean did it have some sort of super healing powers or something that I wasn't aware of? People didn't just put celery in their drinks for the fun of it did they?

"Hey, I've always wondered, why do they put celery in Bloody Mary's?" She looked at me as if she wasn't quite sure herself and put a finger to her chin to think about it.

"Huh, not sure, but it's pretty isn't it" and she handed me over my glass, smiling like the Cheshire cat, then plopped down at the table.

Maybe she had already had one of these at home. She was far too cheerful for a morning after getting sloshed. Sooo not fair. I looked down at the drink with trepidation and lowered my head to take a sniff and then looked up when I heard Margie giggle at my uncertainty.

"first time taking the cure huh?" I looked back at the liquid and squinted my eyes. This was a cure? For what, the desire to ever look at another tomato?

"I've never had a reason for it..." I said shrugging my shoulders but keeping my eyes trained on the glass as if I was waiting for it to attack.

"Oh it wont hurt you, go on it's good" she said as if she were trying to get a small child to eat their broccoli, the two situations were very similar, I must admit.

"It works, I promise. If you want, plug your nose, it'll help" I looked back up at her and began debating on whether or not she was telling the truth or just trying to make me feel better about something that would obviously make me gag.

She nodded at me encouragingly and I decided to humor her. I mean, anything to get rid of the thumping in my brain, right? After pinching my nose as tightly as I could I lowered my head and took a sip. Hmm, it wasn't that bad...I took another sip, this time without pinching my nose, and then looked at the drink in astonishment. I actually kind of liked it. It didn't taste anything like it smelled at least.

"Hey what's this" Margie asked me, bringing me out of my musings. I looked at her and saw where she pointed to what looked like a note.

"I don't know, I didn't put that there" _weird_...I thought and then listened as Margie began to read it out loud.

"_Bella, Sorry about what happened last night, well, I'm not really sure what happened, you were kind of out of it. I hope you don't mind, I cleaned the bathroom up for you. I didn't think you'd want to wake up to that. Anyway, I left so you could get some sleep but I'll be back to catch up with you later today. Take care until then. Jasper_...Who's Jasper?" I didn't answer her question and all I remember from that moment was the sound of glass shattering, being hit with splashes of liquid and seeing red... It wasn't a dream.

**Jasper's POV**

"Bella, Bella you there?" I felt stupid, like I was trying to get her attention over the phone. "How long has she been out?" I turned and asked a frantic Margie while trying to wake a dead to the world Bella who I was starting to think had a severe case of overreaction. She sure did faint a lot. I guess her and my brother had more in common then even they had realized.

"It happened about a minute before you showed up" Margie said shaking her head in puzzlement and then narrowed her eyes at me and gave off a defensive protective vibe.

"What's the deal anyway? She was fine until she read that little note of yours and then I thought she was gonna to pee herself, what'd you do?" Ugh...I had a feeling this was going to happen. With as drunk as Bella had been the night before I was pretty sure she wouldn't have remembered me being here. Maybe I shouldn't have left the note at all, but I didn't want to just leave without any explanation just in case she did recall our little scene.

I gave up on trying to wake Bella and figured I'd just let her come around on her own, and then began explaining to Margie that I was an old friend and that I had seen her at the club last night, (she raised her eyes at this, obviously wondering if I was gay since I had been in a male strip club) but not wanting to confront her in such a crowded place, decided to come back here. I left out most of the details of Bella's so called hallucinations, not wanting to embarrass her further, but explained that with as drunk as she was, she probably didn't have any recollection of me being here at all.

Margie took it all in with a grain of salt and I could tell that she still didn't quite trust my explanation but before she had a chance to ask anymore questions we heard a low moan and realized Bella was starting to come to. This was not going to be good. I felt my nerves start to bundle up again at the thought of what other way she could freak out and then decided to just use my abilities as best as I could to keep her calm. Even that didn't ease my own tension though.

I had no idea what to say to her now. I'm sure that she would have a million questions for me but in the state she was in at the moment I couldn't exactly explain that I needed to drag her back to the group of vampires who had figuratively sucked her dry when leaving, so that she could help me put _them_ back together. I decided to wait for that talk until I was fully satisfied that she was actually stable enough to even listen.

"Ugh...What happened?" I heard her ask in a weak gravely voice as she clutched her head and attempted to sit up. Confusion and anxiety flowed from her in waves and I wished that I could flee the room before she was able to notice me standing a few feet away from her. If Margie wasn't there to notice me taking off at super speed I probably would have, but as it would probably be a bad idea to cause not just one but two women to believe they had lost there minds, I just stood there with my eyes shut and after attempting to send out a calming wave that ended up more numb than anything, waited for the worst.

I felt Bella's confusion linger for just a second longer before it exploded into an onslaught of so many emotions that I ended up having to grab my own head just to steady myself. I felt horror, mixed with relief and then shock, followed by more confusion and then finally a horrible desperate fear. _Oh this is bad, she's afraid of me. What am I going to do now?_

My eyes popped open and I found her own wide eyed gaze locked on mine. She looked terrified. _Why wouldn't she_, I thought to myself, _I'm the monster that drove her love away from her and now she must think I've come back to finish the job_. How the hell was I going to fix this? I wanted to just turn around on my heels and call this whole thing a loss, but then she began to speak.

"Jasper, why, oh no, why are you here? Is it Edward? Did something happen. Please tell me he's okay..." Her voice quivered and trailed off as she searched my face for an answer.

"Edward?" I heard my voice say in confusion and then without even realizing what I was doing I burst out laughing.

I guess that after having to deal with Bella's over emotional state mixed with the absolute ridiculousness from the night before and my own wound up nerves that have been threatening to pop had put me on such a high level of emotional overdrive that I began to lose touch with all sense for the moment. I knew it was probably wrong of me to find amusement in this, that it was only going to make things more awkward and confusing for her but it felt so damn good to let it out for once that I really didn't want to stop. Was it possible for a vampire to lose his mind?

"Jasper, why the hell are you laughing? you didn't answer my question, is Edward alright?" I could feel her growing more frustrated and angry by the second and though I couldn't stop the chuckles from coming I knew I had to say something before she freaked out further.

"Edward's fine...well not completely, but...oh this is just great...I've lost it" I managed in between choked fits. I looked at Bella and noticed the heat intensify in her shocked anger and then before I knew what was happening, which really had to show how gone I was, I felt her fist connect with my face. I immediately regained my composure and watched in shock as her face crumpled in pain as she let out an agonized cry and clutched her now broken hand. Oh boy, well, at least she got me to shut up...

I then felt a wave of amusement coming from across the room and looked over to where Margie, who had been completely silent during our exchange, was now sitting at the kitchen table smirking at us and shaking her head. _Well, I'm glad she finds amusement in this screwed up situation,_ I thought with sarcasm. How strange could one day get? I got my answer a second later when Margie got up and crossed the room to where Bella still stood clutching her hand, took it in hers, and said sympathetically. "Silly girl, that's what you get for punching a vampire in the face...Even if he is an idiot" Yeah...Umm...Huh?

**A.N.**

**Well Jasper finally has his chance to confront Bella after two years of agony and look at the insanity that has ensued...Who would have thunk it? Umm...That would be me...lol And what's this? Margie's a member of the supernatural magnet's club? Huh... That's right...What a coincidence...Oh don't kill me, the chick was just too fun to let out of the loop. **

**Anyway, I just know y'all are dying to push that little button down there and ask me WTF?! or tell me how much you love me....Oh Please tell me you love me!!! R&R and make my heart flutter and dance : ) **


	8. Chapter 8

**I do not own any part of S.M.'s brilliant world of the Twilight saga. This is simply my take on the what could have beens.**

**A.N. **

**Hey everyone! Well, it's now 2:42 in the morning and I am bordering on incoherency after working all night, trying to get this chapter finished. I need to sleep really really badly but since I forced myself to keep my eyes open long enough to get out that last sentence I though I might as well post it too...lol...Am I making sense? I think I might be delirious...Anyway, here's chapter eight! Hope y'all enjoy! **

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**Bella's POV**

_Umm....Did I hear her right? _I stood in the middle of my now tomato painted kitchen, clutching my hand and trying not to scream at the searing pain that had come from doing the dumbest thing I could think of without actually thinking at all, punching Jasper in his absurdly granite hard face, and looked at Margie in dumbstruck awe.

The past couple days, that had added itself nicely to my already aberrant excuse for a life, had to have contributed hugely to me breaking some freakishly abnormal world record. I doubted anyone in the history of forever could have even come close to the kind of crazy luck that I'd been born with. I knew that fate had some sick twisted fascination with me right from the start, but seriously, this was bordering on obsession.

"Stop staring at me like I'm some sort of leper." Margie said to both of us as she took in our astonished expressions. "Bella, seriously did you think you could go about hitting a stone wall without even a bruise?" Uhhh...How....?

"And Jasper, seriously dude, I know I just met you, but you just can't go around scaring the shite out of women and then start laughing like a silly hyena, it's just rude. Now, can we all just discuss this like mature adults and then go get Bella's poor hand looked at before she passes out again?" I still couldn't utter a word. I was too stunned and in way too much agony to even mutter anything but a mere whimper. Thankfully Jasper had regained his sense of coherent thought before me, and was able to speak with some semblance of calm, even if only for a second...

"Margie, If I may be so bold as to ask, and please just humor me, but how is it that you know what the hell I am?" I cringed a bit as his voice raised in exasperation at the end of his question. I knew exactly how he felt, like there were now a large herd of completely intrusive, enormous pink elephants standing in the middle of my small kitchen.

Margie just looked at him as if he'd grown an extra head, and with an annoyed chuckle replied "Despite what you may think, cowboy, I'm not as dense as I might look" then she took my hand back in hers and studied it as I winced in pain. I almost wanted to laugh at the screwed up look she had managed to paint onto Jaspers face but as my expression must obviously be close to matching his I kept my mouth shut.

She looked back to Jasper with her brows raised as if waiting for him to say something else, but he just stood there, once again switching into confounded statue mode. "Anything?...No?..." She asked and then shaking her head in annoyance at him, let out an exasperated sigh. "Well, I can see we're getting nowhere here, so why don't we go get this checked out?" Oh thank you... I had begun to think that we'd be standing here all day and the pain in my hand was really starting to overwhelm me.

I didn't have the chance to answer "yes, please", before Margie took my arm and began leading me to the door. She turned around to Jasper, who was still standing there with a very confused, slightly glazed look on his face and asked "You gona give us a ride or what?" Wow, she was bold, and as I was still tongue-tied, and feeling kind of out-of-body with this insane situation, I fully appreciated her gull. I had absolutely no problem letting her take the lead.

I looked at Jasper who had yet to move and began pleading with my eyes, hoping that he would just snap out of it long enough to drive us to the hospital, because I was now seriously on the verge of losing consciousness again. I sighed with halfhearted relief when I saw him give a curt nod of his head and watched as he walked ahead of us out the door with a scowl now planted on his lips. This was going to be a long day.

**Jasper's POV**

_I'm going to keep it together...I'm not going to lose it..._I held onto my internal mantra, repeating it to myself over and over as I walked ahead of them out to my truck. I knew if I had said anything else to Margie at this point, I wouldn't be able to keep up the patience that thankfully I'd held onto so far. The chick had balls, I had to give her that, but the fact that she knew what I was, irked me.

I should have known something was off. Most humans, when faced with one of my kind would at least experience an increase in heart rate but not her. Even though I had felt traces of suspicion and protectiveness coming from her after I'd given her the explanation of why I was there, her most prominent emotion was a palpable calm, it just wasn't normal and I chastised myself for not taking more notice of it. I should be use to these crazy surprises by now, but I wasn't. I didn't like to be knocked off guard.

I knew her knowledge must have something to do with the Denali sisters, but as I had insisted that they could go home this morning, telling them that I was sure I could handle the rest on my own and would catch up with them again in a few days if all went well, I couldn't exactly go back to the hotel and get answers from them. What was it about my family that gave them the need to put us all in compromising situations by disclosing our secret to humans? Hadn't Tanya and Kate learned anything from Edward's situation? I was surprised that the Volturi hadn't caught wind of it yet. That was something we truly did not need.

My nerves were shot as I sat, squeezed into the drivers seat next to the two women, as they silently waited for me to start the truck. I glanced at Bella out of the corner of my eye and noticed the glistening of tears that were threatening to fall from her eyes and tried to block out the strained feelings of distress and confusion that poured out of her. I felt terrible knowing that my showing up last night and then again this morning had wreaked such havoc on her, emotionally and physically. I was off to anything but a good start and I hadn't yet even let her in on why I was here in the first place.

I forced myself to calm down a bit on the way to the hospital and after clearing my head enough, felt that I should say something to Bella. With the shock of her hitting me, though I knew I'd had it coming, I hadn't even had the common decency to try to calm her, instead deciding to stand around like a useless dick while she tried her best to hold it together. I really was turning into an asshole, stress did not become me.

"Bella, how are you holding up?" I asked, trying to put as much sincerity as I could into the question. I knew how she was holding up, she was ready to crack, but it's the only thing I could think of to let her know I at least cared how she was doing. Her eyes went wide and I felt her shock at my finally speaking after the long stretch of silence I had going, and then, timidly, she looked back down at her lap.

"I'll be fine, it's not like I've never broken a bone before" she said laughing humorlessly to herself and I couldn't suppress a chuckle of my own, remembering how clumsy Bella had been back in high school and how amusing and endearing we had all found it.

"Oh no, not you" I said jokingly and this time when Bella laughed I felt her tension ease a bit and noticed as she began to relax. Margie caught it too and gave me a smile of appreciation. I was still a little irritated with her, but I couldn't help but give her a small smile of my own. I was glad that after all Bella had been through, she had found such a caring friend, even if she was a bit ballsy.

We rode the rest of the way to the hospital in a now companionable quiet, no longer as tense as when we had left, but not yet ready to discuss what had happened, that would be a discussion for a time when Bella wasn't already on the verge of tears. I parked the truck in the emergency loop that sat in front of the large brick building and helped them out after telling them that I'd wait here in the truck until they were through. My day had been crazy enough without tempting fate by standing around in what was by my standards, equivalent to a candy factory, plus I definitely could use the alone time to think.

I hadn't exactly left home with a planned script of what I would say, hoping that once I had found Bella that things would just sort of fall into place, and now, with everything that had gone wrong, I was nowhere close to knowing what to do. Maybe I could suggest she come back with me to New Hampshire for a visit... Scratch that...After seeing the way she had reacted to my sudden appearance, I wasn't so sure she'd take to that idea too well. "Hey Bella, I know I tried to kill you and all, but do you think you could come with me back home and fix the people who screwed you over?"...yeah, don't see that happening. Maybe I could trick her into it and arrange for some travel agency to say that she had won a vacation and then just sort of have my family run into her...But again with her over-reactive nature, that plan just reeked of a heart attack. Ugh! What the hell was I going to do? I needed to come up with something that wasn't going to cause more problems than I already had to deal with.

I was starting to really wish I had brought Alice with me so that she could look into her visions and tell me what to do, and then I sighed and felt the sadness begin to creep up on me...My Alice...I missed having her with me. She had been such a comfort all these years. Not just because her ability made things so much easier, but because with her always bright and cheerful nature, I couldn't help but to smile and believe that everything would always work out. I really missed her and wished I could call just to hear her voice, but I knew if I did, that there was a strong possibility that I wouldn't be able to stay away any longer and that was a chance I just couldn't take.

After pulling myself out of my wandering thoughts of home and happier times, I settled back into my seat, putting my head against the headrest and decided to just take this thing one step at a time. I would keep my room at the hotel and just tell Bella that I had come to Anchorage after needing to get away from everyday life for a while on my own, and had just happened to bump into her, then, If she bought that story, I would just go with it and let the pieces fall where they may. The plan wasn't brilliant but it was the best I could come up with at the moment. I just hoped that she wouldn't mind too much, having me around.

**A.N. **

**Thank you all for reading! And as always, please R&R so I can wake up with a nice morning dose of happy time!!**


	9. Chapter 9

**I do not own any part of S.M.'s brilliant world of the Twilight saga. This is simply my take on the what could have beens.**

**A.N.**

**Hey guys! Thank you so much to everyone who has read and reviewed my story so far! You've made me a super duper happy lady! And maybe just a bit cheesy...lol I hope y'all are still enjoying it! Oh, and please read my other A.N. at the bottom of the page when your done reading! Mucho Importante Chicas y Chicos!**

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**Bella's POV**

I listened to the sound of the crackling paper as I adjusted my seat on the uncomfortable hospital bed where I sat waiting for the doctor to see me, and continued to stare pleadingly at Margie who I could tell was getting just a little bit agitated with my continuous questions. She had yet to tell me exactly how she knew what Jasper was, instead saying with a bored voice, that she wasn't exactly stupid and that if you've bumped into enough vampires in your life, it wasn't rocket science to pick out the signs. I began to open my mouth to argue but then huffed at her, and finally agreed to let it go, when she promised that we'd discuss it further when we were back in the privacy of my apartment. This doctor better hurry up so we could leave, I wanted answers.

I shook my head and laughed internally to myself as I thought about how ironic it was that I had decided to befriend Margie in an attempt to put my past behind me. I needed to write a book...I could call it 'The Diary of a Masochist' What the heck was it about me? I couldn't have made friends with a normal person, noooo not me, I had to go out and stumble upon the one other person beside myself, possibly in existence, who had been magnetically designed to attract the supernatural..And that thought caused me to huff with irritation once again as it brought to mind another certain somebody who had decided to unexpectedly pop back into my already screwed up world and mess with my head, without so much as a simple explanation.

This was like some kind of bad dream or something. I left Forks to get away from this sort of crazy supernatural chaos for Pete sake! I had escaped so that I could bury the memories that had assaulted me like the plague every time I looked around. I wanted to hide from the insane pull I gave out to the otherworldly, to leave it buried away back in Washington, but it came back from that dead place. It always comes back, haunting me again and again. Why had Jasper come? And furthermore why Jasper and not Edward? I felt like I would explode, waiting idly by while fate played her sick game with me. I wanted them to tell me why....

I knew I shouldn't be angry with them, especially Margie who was just as unsuspecting of me as I was of her, but I was, because they weren't telling me anything. They weren't easing my fears that I was hopelessly predetermined for a life full of those I could love but never reach. I wanted them to tell me that it would be alright, that I had the possibility left to still lead a somewhat normal and possibly happy existence. But no one was easing anything, only adding more and more wood to the fire that was my fear of being completely lost, and that made me angry, angry and determined not to let myself fall even further.

Ugh I needed to stop this mental rant but I couldn't, I was too worked up. And why wouldn't I be when someone could have just told me something...anything at all but no...Did they just expect me to sit here and sweat it out? Well if they thought I was going to deal with that, they had another thing coming. I had been through quite enough in my life to just sit by like a good little sadist and let them continue to walk on me. That was the old Bella.

I may still be an emotional mess but I decided right then and there that the new me wasn't going to continue to put up with that kind of nonsense. I had learned a few things over the years after laying down patiently, allowing myself be trampled on. I'd realized that if I forced myself to get up off of my fetal ass and actually attempted to stand my ground, it would be a whole lot harder for anyone to run me over. That's what I was going to do, I was going to stand up and fight to get my life back!

I finally heard the door handle turn, signaling the doctor's arrival, and looked at Margie, fully intent on letting her know with my eyes, that we would indeed finish this conversation later, but damn if she wasn't watching me with calm concern etched all over her face. I couldn't quite muster up the strength to reproach her after that, and simply grimaced instead. She gave me a strange look, obviously seeing the internal struggle I was going through, and then completely knocking me off my guard, as if she knew exactly what I had been thinking, she mouthed "It'll be okay" and gave me a reassuring smile.

After the angry, unhinged thoughts that had been going through my head a second ago, partially concerning her role in all of this, I felt incredibly ashamed of myself. Who was I to judge her? I didn't know her story. It could be worse than mine and I was sitting here putting part of the blame of my returning nightmare onto her. Hell, I hadn't told her anything about my past either, and I had the nerve to be angry with her? I was in no place to judge. I had been completely unfair. I had to force myself to calm down, my anger and confusion was turning me into something I wasn't.

I took a deep breath and then managed to give her a weak, and extremely guilty looking smile and as the door began to swing open fully, I whispered back to her "Thank you...". I had a long way to go and a lot of unanswered questions and a load of unpacked baggage, but having a friend as understanding as her, I could certainly muster up the strength to wait a little longer for my reprieve.

**Jasper's POV**

I opened my eyes, my thoughts being interrupted when I heard Bella and Margie coming towards the truck laughing about ugly pink casts and stupid fishing poles. Huh? I looked over to where they were just approaching the door and noticed, as Bella got in, the bright fuchsia hand cast which already had several names and 'Get Well Soons' written on it, along with a big cursive 'Margie' that had been underlined with a fishing pole dangling what looked like some kind of round fruit.

I raised my eyes at it and Bella scowled "don't say a word!" she said and then sat down huffing. Well okay then...

I glanced at Margie who was smirking and giving off a highly amused vibe and asked her "What's with the fishing for apples?"

"It's a tomato!" she said giggling, to which Bella reached out her good hand to smack her friend playfully and huffed again muttering "Damn tomatoes". I laughed and shook my head at them but didn't ask any more questions on the matter. I had a feeling it would be a long story.

"Sorry about your hand" I said to Bella as she sat there studying her new pink adornment which, with the distaste she was eying it with, I could tell she hated.

"That's okay" she said looking up at me and I could feel embarrassment radiating from her as she blushed. "It wasn't your fault, I should have known better, but I guess the whole 'hard as a rock' thing had slipped my mind for a sec". I felt bad, she had always been too damn passive for her own good. I'm actually kind of glad she hit me, it showed that at least she had some spunk in her and I knew that I had definitely deserved it.

"No, I shouldn't have laughed when you were obviously so shaken up. I was just so relieved to find out that it wasn't me you were afraid of" I gave her an apologetic look and watched her eyes fill with confusion.

"Why would I be afraid of you Jasper?" Did she not remember that debacle of a birthday party?

"Um...Paper cut...ring any bells?" I asked her with my brows raise to which she let out a humorless laugh and waved her hand at me in dismissal.

"Come on Jasper, that wasn't your fault, I'm the weak breakable human remember? That was all me..." What? she couldn't be that self deprecating could she? I'd almost killed her and she thought it was her fault? This chick was weird.

"What happened? What'd you do to her?" Margie asked narrowing her eyes. I felt the curious protective vibe that she again directed at me and cringed when I felt Bella's anxiety perk.

"It's nothing Margie, really, just drop it okay?" Bella said exasperated and then she looked back down to her cast shaking her head.

"It was not nothing Bella" I said curtly. Seriously, how could she think that was nothing? If Emmett and Rosalie hadn't pulled me outside that night and let me calm down she wouldn't be sitting here talking to me right now... I cringed thinking of what would have happened if they hadn't been able to stop me in time. She'd be lying in a grave somewhere. I shook my head trying to clear it of those thoughts. Definitely not nothing...

She snapped her gaze back up at me and my eyes widened when I saw the determined look on her face "Jazz, it _was_ nothing, so please just let it go"

I wanted to argue that she was being ridiculous but before I had the chance to reason with her further, I noticed the slight tinge of sorrow that was hiding behind her firm resolve and decided to keep my mouth shut, I wasn't going to cause her anymore pain than I already had.

"It's okay Jasper, I'm sorry." She said when she noticed my morose look, then managed a small smile and patted my knee reassuringly. "I just want to get home and take these nice little pills the doctor gave me so I'm not such a spaz and then we can catch up, alright?"

I nodded my head at her, trying to give her a smile of my own but it came off more of a grimace as I thought of what would be said when we sat down to 'catch up'. I had decided to just stick with the story that I was simply in town on vacation and if she asked about how my family was I would attempt to keep things as pleasant and brief as possible. No need to add more drama to the already crazy day we were having. That could be left for later, after I knew she was alright with me being here. I didn't want to just spring all of my problems on her right off the bat.

We drove the rest of the way back to Bella's apartment in silence and then walked up the stairs with trepidation. I didn't know what to expect when we all sat down to talk. I was hoping we could keep it light and friendly but I wasn't going to bet on it at the moment.

We walked inside and I heard Bella gasp and felt her horror as she stood staring into her kitchen. Margie let out an amused laugh and Bella shot her a gaze that obviously said 'shut up or die' and I couldn't help letting out a chuckle of my own at her show of repulsion over the tomato juice mess all over her once spotless kitchen, that she had obviously forgotten about.

"Shut up both of you!" she said then walked toward the sink and after grabbing three sponges and tossing one at each of us, keeping one for herself, she pointed at the floor and said "Get to work" I didn't dare argue with her and with a smirk over at Margie who looked a little taken aback but chose not so say a word either, I bent down to start scrubbing. I was more than pleased by this new side I was seeing of Bella. She had grown a backbone. That a girl!

We worked on the mess as quickly as we could and I had to laugh again when Bella had mentioned with an impressed air that she had forgotten how fast I could move. It surprised me how little tension there was since arriving back at the apartment after how much chaos we had gone through the last two days but I definitely wasn't complaining. I enjoyed this light hearted banter we had gotten into. It was a refreshing change that I hoped would keep up.

After we finished up, Bella and Margie called out for pizza, saying that unlike me the humans must eat and then we decided to sit around and talk until it was delivered. I was a little fearful that we might jump right away into the subject of why I was here but to my pleasant surprise, it never came up.

We laughed about the craziness of the last two days and then Bella and Margie began joking about door chimes, which I didn't quite understand but had to chuckle at their weirdness none the less. I almost choked when Margie explained the significance of the fishing pole with the tomato and watched as Bella turned a bright beet red and slapped her again. I was truly enjoying myself. That was until my cell phone rang.

It was Edward.

**A.N.**

**Okay guys...so here's the deal...I've just entered my first contest and it would make my eternity if you could take a little time to go read my one-shot entry and vote for me if you like it. Please Please Please like it and vote for me!!! Jasper will personally come to the home of each and every person who votes and give them a huge wet kiss!! Well maybe not but wouldn't it be freakin awesome if he did? **

**It's for the 'Missing Moments' one-shot contest and my entry is 'An Angel's Voice'. Heres the link to the contest page- www .fanfiction-challenges. blogspot. com **

**Hope you all enjoy it!**

**And as always please R&R cause it makes me smile really really big and want to update as quickly as I can. You do want your Jazzy fix don't you?...**


	10. Chapter 10

**I do not own any part of S.M.'s brilliant world of the Twilight saga. This is simply my take on the what could have beens.**

**A.N. **

**Hey Guys! Sorry this is coming so late...I had family in from out of state and too much going on to actually sit down for long. Life and all that jazz...Jazz haha...I'ma cheesy one lol. Anyway here's chapter ten which is pretty much just a filler for the next chapter which will get a whole lot more exciting, so stick with me guys. This is going somewhere great, I promise....Love Y'all!!!**

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**Bella's POV**

We had been sitting in the living room of my place, Jasper chuckling as Margie told him the reason for her inscription on my cast, while I sat pouting in the corner of the couch, alternating between smacking Margie playfully for her eagerness to embarrass me and telling Jasper to shut up for encouraging her. We were having a great time. I had never seen this side of Jasper before and I wish I had.

He had always been so serious and standoffish whenever I was around back in high school, but now he was acting as though we had been the closest of friends who were once again catching up after a long separation. It should feel weird to me the way we were able to just sit back and converse so easily but it felt so natural. I would have never thought after all that had passed that it would have even been possible.

We hadn't even gotten into the the topic of why he was here yet and I caught myself thinking, as I heard yet another chuckle escape him, that maybe I didn't really want to know. I knew I had to find out eventually but with everything that has happened in the past two days and with the years of sorrow over missing and wondering about my once surrogate family, right now, seeing Jasper smile this way made me feel like maybe I could let go of the a bit of the ache I had stashed away in my heart.

I also knew that as soon as he brought up anything related to his family, that letting go might not be possible. I didn't want to come out of this more torn than I had been before. I didn't want to let the memories and thoughts of 'why?', that I have tried so hard, for so long, to let go of, back in.

I had wondered every night as I lay down in the dark of my bedroom, if they had felt as lost and miserable as I had been after they left. I would lay on my bed with tears streaming down my face and a dull pain resting in my chest as I thought about how they'd had to completely uproot their lives over me, a simple human.

It couldn't have been easy for them. Did they hate me for all of the trouble I had caused them? Had it caused them any pain at all? Or had they simply gone about their lives and left me in their past, the past that I just couldn't seem to completely let go of. I didn't know if I'd be able to handle it if that was the case.

It tore at me to think that they might not miss me at all, that the damage I had caused them, the mess that had driven them away, had caused them to force me from their minds and put my time with them up on a dusty shelf somewhere never to be thought of again. I couldn't bear to think of that.

My time with them had meant so much to me. they were the happiest moments of my life and to think that it had meant nothing to them, to hear Jasper say that they had just gone about their lives and were doing just fine, would kill me, but at the same time, to hear that they had suffered, would hurt me just as badly. I didn't want anything that Jasper had to tell me, cause me to go down that road again, so I knew I could wait for that talk.

I was brought out of my musings when I heard Jasper's phone ring and let my eyes go wide at the sudden shock and panic I felt him projecting. This was not good. It had to be someone from his family calling, to make him react so badly and I felt my own panic rise at the thought that something bad had happened to one of them and also at the thought that if that were the case I would be put right back to where I had been, chasing after something I could never reach.

I knew if something was wrong that nothing could hold me back from going to them. There was no way I would just sit by if Jasper said that any of them were in trouble. They might have left me, they may not want anything to do with me, but they were still my family, they would always be, and I would always love them. I would always love_ him._

I felt the fear rise in me stronger as I watched as Jasper looked franticly back and forth between Margie and I and then back to the phone which continued to ring. I saw as he struggled briefly with his dilemma and then I began to shake when he bolted through the front door.

I wanted to run after him. I wanted to know what was happening, I didn't care if it would hurt me or not. What if it was Edward calling? I had to follow him. I had to know. I started to get up from my seat when I felt Margie put her hand on my arm, halting me.

"Give him a few minutes, he'll be back" I wanted to argue with her that she couldn't possibly know that for sure, that my family might be in trouble, but before I could open my mouth she shook her head.

"Just trust me" I don't know how it happened but after she said that I began to calm down. I looked at her questioningly. How was she able to do that? She told me to trust her and I did, completely. I would have to ask her about that later, but not right now. My mind was still racing too fast with worry over Jasper's phone call to question anything else at the moment.

We sat in silence waiting for Jasper to return when there was a knock at the door. I bolted from the couch ready to question Jasper about who it was that called and what was going on when Margie came up behind me holding a twenty dollar bill and simply said "Delivery guy, I got it" before waving me back over to the couch.

I crossed the room and sat down, putting my face in my hands and sighed with exasperation. I heard her come towards me and looked up when she dropped the pizza box down on the coffee table, and waited for me to open it.

"Not hungry?" She asked me with a slight knowing frown when I didn't reach for the box and then smiled reassuringly as I shook my head no. "Yeah, don't think I am much either, but we gotta keep our strength up, especially you chick. You've had quite a day"

I laughed humorlessly as she reached over and grabbed us both a slice and handed me mine. I stared at the hot cheese as it began to drip from the crust and thought about how much it resembled the way I was feeling, like my sanity was melting away..._Shut up Bella you idiot_, I chastised myself. You know you're one step from crazy when you start comparing yourself to cheese...

**Jasper's POV**

'Shit!' I thought to myself as I sat in my truck staring angrily at the flashing caller ID. What the hell did he want? Did he know something? Edward never called me. On the rare occasions that I had spoken to him since he had left our family it was on Alice's phone after he had been talking to her, and even then we only ever exchanged brief pleasantries. What reason could he possibly have for calling me directly, unless he suspected something? Karma really fucking hated me.

I didn't want to answer. I seriously didn't want to hear him tell me that he knew exactly what I was up to and to get the hell out of there and leave things be. I wasn't about to let him talk me out of trying my hardest to fix things, especially since he was too damn pussy to do it himself. I felt bad for my brother, I really did, but that didn't stop me from being extremely put out with him at the moment.

I let the call go to voicemail, hoping that he would just figure that I was out hunting and leave it be, but just as I knew it would, the damn phone began ringing again. I flipped it open and hoped with everything in me that he was just calling to say hi but I knew better than to bank on that hope. At least he didn't have the advantage of his damn mind reading bullshit over the phone. That was one ability that while helpful at times, more often than not tended to pissed me off.

"Jasper?" I heard the questioning suspicion in his voice and it set off a new wave of panic in me. He knew something, I could tell by his tone and I cringed thinking _I'm screwed_. I tried as best as I could to reign in my emotions, hoping that my voice wouldn't give me away and answered as steadily as I could manage.

"Hey, Edward, what's up?" I let myself smile slightly, relived that I had been able to sound normal enough, but cringed as he spoke his next words.

"Hey, Where are you?" Shit! What the hell was I going to tell him?. _Um, I'm in Alaska, ya know, where your dumb ass should be right now, fixing the shit you helped break. _Yeah, that would go over well...

"Um, I was just out hunting...Why?" It was the first thing to come to my mind and I prayed he bought it. I really, really wanted him to buy it so we could just go about our normal 'how have you beens' and 'take cares' so I could just say goodbye, hang up the damn phone and maybe snap it in half before I chuck it into the nearest trash can.

"I just got off the phone with Alice. She sounded funny, like she was hiding something from me. Ya know anything about that?" Yeah, she was hiding the fact that I was about to blow your whole 'let everyone be miserable as long as I can clear my conscious' bullshit out of the water.

"Well, I really don't know what she could be hiding from you Edward. She's probably just a little upset with me right now, I needed to get away by myself for a while" and then just so he wouldn't ask any more questions, I added "I needed time away, you know what I mean..." That should shut him up. He knew exactly what I meant. He was the king of 'all by myself '.

"Uh, yeah, um well, I guess we all need a little time...Hey, I gotta get going but I'll give you a call soon okay?" He tried to hide the guilt tinging his voice but I could hear it leaking through as he struggled to end the conversation. I felt bad for throwing his abandonment of our family back in his face and for causing him anymore pain than he was already dealing with, but damn if I didn't get just a little satisfaction at his guilt.

"Yeah, take care bro" I said, trying to make the statement sound as sincere as I could. I did hope he was taking care of himself, he was still my brother after all, even if a boneheaded one.

"You too Jazz, and hey, hope things work out for you" If he only knew what those words really meant. I guess he'd find out eventually, but I wasn't too eager to see what he would do once he did.

"Same to you man, see ya" and with that I shut the phone and let out a huge sigh of relief mixed with a lingering bit of agitation. Damnit! I had to hurry up and talk to Bella soon before Edward's suspicion grew stronger. I was hoping I'd have a little more time to make her comfortable with me first before I sprung this all on her, but it looked like time was running out.

I got out of my truck and began my walk up to Bella's apartment, trying to think as I walked about how was I going to break this to her. She was already such a mess, this would be a huge blow and I wasn't sure how she would take it. The way she had reacted earlier, hitting me when I didn't tell her right away that my brother was fine, well, I didn't think she would take it well. I was sure the news wouldn't come without some kind of Bella craziness.

I didn't bother to knock on the door as I entered the living room and walked over to a very anxious feeling Bella who had already risen to her feet expectantly.

"So, Who was it?" She asked me and I could feel her emotions skyrocketing out of control. When I didn't answer immediately, but sat down on the couch preparing myself for the talk, she grabbed my shirt sleeve and said again with her voice raising in pitch "Jasper, dammit, what's going on? who was it?"

I looked over to Margie who was getting up from her seat and watched her take Bella's arm and sat her back down. "Bella, chill, give him a second. Sit and calm down." Surprisingly Bella did just what she said without putting up any fight and I felt her calm slightly. This chick was good, I'd have to find out how she did that, weird.

I watched her silently along with Bella as she grabbed her purse off of the coffee table and looked both of us straight in the eye, suddenly I felt like a toddler. What the fuck? "I'm gona get going. It's getting kinda late and I have to open up the bakery early tomorrow. My customers are probably pretty pissed at me for closing it up today, but hey, friends come first right?"

With that she bent down to hug Bella who smiled embarrassingly at her and mouthed 'sorry'. Margie shook her head with an amused chuckle and then shocking me, she bent back down and hugged me as well while whispering in my ear "See ya tomorrow, oh and take care of my girl". She then winked at me and walked out the door. What the hell was that about?

I looked over at Bella who was now staring at me expectantly with her emotions all over the place, and let out a sigh. Well here goes nothing.

**A.N.**

**Okay, so what'dya guys think? And how do y'all think Bella's going to react? Is there anything you think I should add? I love hearing from you guys so please Review and let me know how you're liking it! Mucho Love!!!!**

**-N.C.**


	11. Chapter 11

**I do not own any part of S.M.'s brilliant world of the Twilight saga. This is simply my take on the what could have beens.**

**A.N.**

**Okay, I am officially a troll...You should all be dragging me through the streets flanked with torches and pitchforks... I'm soooooooo sorry this took me what, like a gajillion weeks...months...something to get this out. My life has been absolutely insane, family issues, my insane kids, gargantuan case of writers block, broken computer, lots and lots of doctors appointments and teachers conferences...dredging up memories makes me want to pull a Bella and wig out. I hope you all don't hate me too much. And please tell me if this chapter sucks or not because I'm so dang rusty I should be squeaking. **

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**Bella's POV**

I sat there after Margie had left, staring at Jasper and feeling like a complete bipolar spaz. One minute I'm laughing and pouting at their jokes over my Drunken escapades and hoping that all serious talk of my previous life would be put on hold for a while and the next minute I'm freaking out over a phone call that could, and probably would, blow my previous hopes to dust. I knew that Jasper could feel the turmoil that was wracking through me because every few seconds he would look up from where he had his head clasped in his hands to give me a look that seemed almost fearful before letting out a sigh and dropping it back down.

Of course he had every reason to fear talking to me about anything that could be termed a 'delicate subject'. I was after all the crazy, emotionally fragile nut job who from the second he showed up had been proving to him I was far from stable. I'd be afraid to talk to me too. Oh hell, if things kept going the way they had been I probably would be talking to myself soon.

It seemed like hours passed, even though I knew it was only minutes, while I waited silently for Jasper to speak. It was like he was struggling with words and I knew without a doubt that whatever he had to tell me was not good. I watched as he opened and closed his mouth repeatedly, sighing and rubbing his unruly blond curls in frustration before he finally began to talk.

"Bella, I don't know how to begin" His voice, though beautiful and clear as a Texas breeze, had such a sad tone to it that it tore at me. He didn't meet my gaze but looked at his hands, now laying on his lap and I knew if I did see his eyes, that they would be tortured.

"Take your time" I said to him as soothingly as I could, though my mind was racing with what it could be. I didn't want him to hurt, I didn't want to hurt, but the sooner we got this over with the sooner we could figure out where to go from here. "Maybe you can start by telling me who it was on the phone, and we can go from there?" I said it more as a question, hoping that I wasn't pushing this too hard. He sounded so lost and I didn't want to rush him, but I really needed to know what was happening.

He glanced up at me from where he'd had his eyes trained to his lap and I saw the pained almost bitter expression he wore. It was a look I knew very well, a look I had worn all too often in my recent past. I knew exactly what that look meant. Who or what caused him that grief I wasn't sure, but whoever it was, whatever it was, had hurt him deeply and I felt a sudden closeness to him that shocked me.

I felt an unexpected urge to hug him, to comfort and reassure him that it would be okay, that whatever it was that he had to tell me, whatever was going on, it would get better. He looked so grief-stricken in that moment it broke my heart and I put my hand on his arm and rubbed it soothingly trying to let him feel that I was here, that I was supporting him.

He looked down to where my hand lay on his arm and then back up to meet my gaze and I noticed his anguished expression had turned in an instant to an unreadable mask. It was as if he was forcing himself away from feeling any emotion but for a moment I saw a betraying glint of what looked like anger shine in his eyes.

"It was Edward" he forced out bitterly. "Edward was on the phone" I felt all the blood leave my face as an eerie chill came over me and I shuddered. I felt like someone had just pushed me into an icy cold lake and I couldn't swim. I didn't want to swim. I wanted to just let the damn frigid water swallow me whole so I didn't have to deal with this again. When I had asked Jasper who was on the phone, for some reason, I never thought to figure that it could be Edward. I knew that there had been a possibility that the call could have been related to him, but that it would actually be him on the other end of the line... Damn it, why the hell had I asked?

I felt Jasper put his hand on my shoulder and shot my eyes back to his and noticed that he was now squinting a bit as if he was waiting for me to snap. Well, what the hell should he expect from me? I shook my head, clearing it as much as I could and took in a ragged breath while trying to focus on staying calm. Freaking out would not solve anything.

"Okay..." I forced out in an almost inaudible whisper as I tensed, waiting for him to drop the ball that would fall and crush me, turning me into mush of blubbering Bella pancake.

"Okay?" he asked surprised, most likely because I was still conscious instead of lying on the floor in my new favorite state of knocked out at the drop of a hat. When I didn't say anything, he let his hand fall from my shoulder and sighed as he got up and walked to the window to look out into the quiet streets below.

"Bella, if it's alright with you, I don't want to talk about Edward" He said, still staring out the window. I couldn't see his face but the sharp edge to his voice when he said his brothers name was unmistakable. What could have made Jasper feel this way toward him? I wanted to argue that he should just let it out, that I had the right to know, but I kept quiet knowing that I no longer had any rights to Edward. I had lost that right the day he had walked out on me. And if I was being honest with myself I no longer wanted that right. I would never be able to walk away from the scene if we crashed again.

**Jasper's POV **

I stood at the window looking out at the abandoned street and trying desperately to reign in the onslaught of emotions that were building in me. It wouldn't help anything to show Bella how angry I was at this situation. I had felt her grief-stricken shock when I mentioned Edward, so I'd have to say I was a little taken back myself when she replied with a simple okay; But that wasn't the only thing that shocked me. The fact that she felt the need to comfort me...Me, who should be comforting her after causing her life to spin so out of control...Damn'it, It was just too much.

I felt the fury I had for my 'prodigal brother' intensify tenfold as I tried to contemplate how he was able to just walk away from Bella. How the hell do you just walk away from someone who cares so much? I really don't give a crap how well intentioned his move was, it was a bullshit pussy move. A selfish "it's all about my clean little conscience" move. She didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve her.

I suddenly felt very hot if that's possible and claustrophobic, standing in the closed area of Bella's living room knowing that somehow I alone had to make up for all this. I had to figure out a way to clean up this damn toxic waste my idiot 'brother' left behind. It felt impossible.

I felt the walls begin to close in and the urge to run came over me hard. The only thing that kept me there was knowing that at that moment Bella's beautiful caring chocolate eyes (okay, where the hell did that come from?) were boring holes into my back, most likely trying to figure out if I had become a permanent fixture of her window.

"Bella?" I asked without turning around...cause I'm a chicken shit...

It took a minute for her to answer and I heard the uncertainty lacing her voice as she replied with her quiet "mmhhmm...?" which most likely meant "please don't crack up on me now". Maybe she's rubbing off on me... There's a thought...Ugh, can I get anymore lame?

"What would you say to going for a run?"

**A.N. **

**I know I really don't deserve it...but please please please leave a review so I know I'm still okay... Love you guys!**


	12. Chapter 12

**I do not own any part of S.M.'s brilliant world of the Twilight saga. This is simply my take on the what could have beens.**

A.N.

**Hey Y'all!** **I just received my first ever bad review :o) yay! LOL I've been waiting for this..I have been accused of writing an unrealistic fic. The fact that it's a vampire fic is what makes this so funny. You see...Vampires are not real...hence the term unrealistic...I'm wondering why, if my reviewer is so unhappy with the unreal, he/she logged on to a FICTION site instead of say...DiscoveryChannel . com...The person also went on to rant about Bella having no backbone after I specifically said that was my biggest peeve about S.M.'s version. Let me explain this so you'll understand. I'm writing a continuation of the original work. I did not create Bella Swan nor her personality. I do plan on giving her the balls she lacks, to be blunt, but if you want my REALISTIC opinion on this, once someone is created as a castrated pushover it takes more than a few chapters in a book to magically grow a pair. Also I can tell that the reviewer has never been in love and had their heart ripped out of their chest. If they did they'd realize that it's a really really crappy experience that does a whole lot of frigged up crap to a person. Lastly, the reviewer so delicately inquired as to why I posted this as a Jasper/Bella fic when it's in her/his opinion, not, as if he/she expects them to be reunited after two years only to fall into bed together after two days...I'm going to give Bella her cowboy, I just never intended to turn her into a slut in the process. Now, to all of you who actually enjoy where the story is going, thank you! :o) You guys are my sunshine in the rain...lol corny much? Now on to the story!**

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**Bella's POV**

I looked at Jasper in disbelief. He wanted to go for a run? Did he not remember who he was talking to here? I may have become slightly more coordinated over the years but I'm still the same fragile little human girl from Forks. I highly doubt I'd be able to keep up with a jogging vampire let alone a running one. I could tell he sensed my hesitation when he shook his head and chuckled to himself.

"Bella, I didn't expect you to run with me if that's what you're worried about. You can hop on my back. I just need to let off some steam and thought you'd like to come" Oh no, no, no, no. I closed my eyes as memories of whipping by large trees that were quite capable of inducing a coma, went through my mind.

"I'm kinda thinking about putting my adrenaline junky phase on a back shelf somewhere but thank you for the offer Jasper" I shuddered. Just thinking about it gave me the willies.

"Bella, I promise I'll keep you safe, just trust me" I felt horrible when I heard the hurt tone of his voice and as he looked at me with an almost pleading expression I knew that he wasn't only reassuring me about the trees. I dropped my shoulders in defeat and looked out the window where Jasper was still standing and then smirked at him attempting to lighten the tension "Well I guess it's dark enough out that I wont see them coming at me"

"Haha, funny Bella" he said with a small smirk of his own and I felt myself blush because I'd never really noticed before but he had one sexy assed smirk. Damn'it...shut up you...I looked at him quickly to make sure I wasn't as transparent as I felt but he seemed not to notice anything different, either that or he was doing a good job of ignoring it.

"Grab your jacket, it's cold out and we don't need another trip to the emergency room for pneumonia" with that he crossed the room to the door and waited for me to finish struggling to get the sleeve of my jacket over my new intrusive pink hand ornament. Seeing that I was having absolutely no luck he crossed back to where I stood and chuckled as he helped me into it. "Think you'll be able to go back to work with that thing on your hand?" Ugh...

"Oh no! I completely forgot that I had to work tomorrow night!" This was not good at all. If I lost that job I'd be out of an apartment and then what would I do? This day was really messing with my sanity. Maybe my boss would understand but for some reason I highly doubted he would hold my job for me until the cast was ready to come off. I am a very unlucky person. "Ya know, suddenly that run doesn't sound like such a bad idea after all". Hell, what else did I have to lose?

"Bella calm down" Jasper said with concern "Everything will be okay, alright?" Yeah easy for you to say Mr. Moneybags...

"Jasper, money doesn't just grow on trees around here. I really can't afford to lose that job" He took my hands in his then and looked intently into my eyes. "Bella let's just go for our run and then we can figure it out later" Suddenly I felt a jolt of something close to electricity go through me and widened my eyes. What was that? He must have felt it too because he quickly decided to drop my hands as he cleared his throat awkwardly. "Umm ya ready to go?" He said looking away from me toward the door as if begging it to come closer.

I could feel how uncomfortable this situation was getting so I felt the need to lighten it up yet again, I had a feeling I'd be doing a lot more of that later. I gave him a sly smile and walked past him through the door. "Just as long as I don't end up as a Christmas tree ornament". I think it worked because when I looked back to see if he was following, I noticed the twinkle in his eye as he tried his best to hide his amusement behind a completely fake serious face. It was too much and I caught myself giggling and winked at him before I ran the rest of the way down the stairs.

Shit what's the matter with me? Flirting Bella? Really? This day had seriously been an emotional roller-coaster and now, after that weird shock I got when Jasper held my hand and the almost inappropriately flirting way I had handled it, I knew I really did need that run after all. I was definitely a bit nervous about what fate had in mind for me next...

**Jasper's POV**

I watched in amused disbelief as Bella ran down the stairs giggling like a little girl. Did she just wink at me? And what was that jolt a minute ago? This night just kept getting more and more interesting...I decided to just chalk it up to yet another weird occurrence in one hell of an interesting day and headed down the stairs.

I looked across the street to see Bella leaning against the hood of my pickup truck and felt another funny feeling stir in me at the sight. Well, I guess I could pinpoint the reasons behind that feeling. I may be immortal but I'm still just another guy. What man wouldn't appreciate the sight of a beautiful woman draped against a truck?

Wait...did I find Bella beautiful? I looked over at her again and saw her smiling at me while she waited for me to finish crossing the street. Her smile lit up her whole face and I couldn't help but to smile back at her. Yes...yes Bella was beautiful a little crazy in an endearing way but beautiful. My brother is an idiot.

I thought about Edward then and cringed. What the hell was the matter with me? I really really should not be having these thoughts about my brother's ex-girlfriend. Then I thought about Alice. What would she think of me if she saw me in a vision, standing here ogling her best friend. I felt like a complete dick. I was here for one reason. To fix my family.

I looked back to Bella and noticed her giving me a questioning look, most likely wondering why I was standing here like an dummy staring at her. She giggled again at the embarrassed expression I could feel glazing over my face and it warmed my still heart to see her happy. I knew then that I wasn't here for one reason after all. I did have to help my family but hopefully I would be able to help Bella in the process. She deserved to be able to smile like that all the time.

"Jasper, are you stuck on glue?" she said still laughing, bringing me out of my daze. I decided to play along and pretended that I was having a difficult time getting my feet off of the ground. She must have thought this was a brilliant idea since a second later she ran over to grab my hand and began pulling with all her strength. It was one of the silliest things I had ever seen and I couldn't help but to burst out into my own round of laughter.

"C'mon" I said in between breaths as I let her pull me to my truck "Let's get going before the forest disappears"

The ride to the woods was a quiet one as we both just sat in comfortable silence, consumed by our own thoughts. It was strange, the emotions I felt coming from Bella. Confusion, worry and...guilt? I could sort of see where the other two came from but what in the world was she feeling guilty about? There was something else there too something I had felt at the house also but it felt muddled, almost as if she were purposely blocking it from me. I wanted to ask but I felt like it might be a huge intrusion and I figured that if she wanted me to know she'd tell me right?

We pulled off the highway onto a dirt road that was almost hidden by the forest brush about half an hour later and I drove back a ways to park the truck where it wouldn't be easily spotted. The last thing we needed was some nosy person coming around wondering why an empty vehicle was sitting on a back road in the middle of nowhere. I got out and walked around to Bella's side so I could help her down. The road was rocky and I didn't want her losing her footing stepping down from the high seat.

"Ready?" I asked her as I began to turn around to let her climb up on my back but stopped when I noticed the nervous vibe she was sending. She was staring at the ground and biting her lip as I noticed she had often done in the past when she was afraid. "Bella?" I said as I lifted her chin to look at me but she wouldn't meet my gaze. "Darlin' look at me" I told her and slowly she turned her gaze on mine. I felt the worry and guilt I had felt on the ride here come over her again and frowned. What in the world was that about? She was starting to worry me. "Bella, we don't have to run if you're that afraid" I said and I watched as her eyes turned down again.

"It's not that Jasper, it's just..." She began to say something but shook her head and gave me a small smile "Don't worry about it, I'm ready, let's go"

I sighed and began to turn around again but I could still feel her worry slightly "You're sure?" I asked just to make sure I wasn't forcing her into this. I just wanted to let off a little steam and thought that maybe she might need to also but now I was thinking that perhaps this wasn't such a good idea after all. She let out a little chuckle then and I felt a slight amusement coming from her. "Don't look so serious Jazz, I'll be fine. I trust you" and with those words I had to stop myself from grabbing her into a hug. This girl is affecting me way too much. What is going on inside my dopy head?

"Okay" I said as I squatted down to let her climb up and as I felt her small arms and legs wrap themselves tightly around me I could feel another hint of that strange emotion that Bella had been trying to hide from me earlier roll off of her. This time though, I knew exactly what it was as I was now feeling the exact same thing and trying desperately to reign my own attraction for her in. I suddenly knew where her worry and guilt had been coming from before because I was now the bearer of those emotions ten fold.

I let out an involuntary sigh as she adjusted herself on my back and I swallowed hard. How the hell had this happened? This was crazy! It pretty much came out of nowhere and slapped me in the head. I had no right to be feeling these things for anyone other than Alice especially not Bella... Crap...I am in deep deep shit.

**A.N.**

**Please review and tell me what you think! :o) You guys are awesome!**


	13. Chapter 13

**I do not own any part of S.M.'s brilliant world of the Twilight saga. This is simply my take on the what could have beens.**

**A.N. Hey guys! So, this next chapter was torture for me to write and I really hope that y'all don't think I'm rushing things along too quickly but I really didnt see any other way around it. You'll see what I'm talking about when you read so go ahead...get on it! lol Hope you like!**

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**Bella's POV**

I felt a shiver go through me as Jasper stood and put his hands over my legs that were now tightly wrapped around his waist. I could feel the strength of his fingers as they held me securely to him and the hard marble like muscles of his back ripple against my chest as he began to move us through the trees.

I closed my eyes and tried my hardest to reign in the desire that I now felt coming from me; praying silently to myself that by some miracle he hadn't noticed my new heated emotions. I knew though, as I felt his back stiffen slightly beneath me that he had, and a new wave of guilt came rushing out.

How could this be happening? This was bad. I should not be having these feelings for Edward's brother. I should definitely not be having these feelings for my best friend's mate. I felt my heart speed up as I frantically tried to push back the thoughts of how good he felt beneath me. The sinewy muscles flexing with each new movement, the baby soft curls brushing deliciously across my cheek, his hands pressed firmly against my legs...No! Stop it! This is very very wrong.

Yes, Jasper was a gorgeous man. He was a vampire for crying out loud, of course he would be beautiful, desirable... But so was Emmett and Carlisle and I could never imagine thinking of them this way...eww...So why the hell was I having these thoughts for Jasper? Why all of the sudden am I loving the fact that I am flying through the woods with my body pressed against his?

Even with Edward who I had wanted a future with; who I would have given my mind, body, life and soul for, I hadn't felt this kind of desire. I had rode through the woods, just as I was now, on countless occasions with Edward and every time I had been scared shitless and sick to my stomach until he set me safe back on the ground. Why was it different now? Maybe if I opened my eyes...

I lifted my lids and looked around me as the trees whipped past us and waited for the nausea to come, but it didn't. I looked down and instantly regretted opening my eyes, wishing at that moment that getting sick could be my biggest problem. I could now see Jasper as his body moved gloriously and gracefully beneath mine and a fresh surge of guilty desire washed over me. I let my head fall to his shoulder and let out a low moan. How had I never noticed before how incredibly sexy he was?

I felt Jasper begin to slow his pace then and I began to panic. What in the hell must he think of me? I knew he had felt every emotion that I had spilled onto him and I was terrified that if I looked in his eyes I would see the disgust that I knew I deserved. I didn't get the chance to see it though as he came to a stop, and after setting me down, without even turning to look at me, began walking away with his hands in his hair.

I knew it. I had upset him so much, disgusted him so much with my entirely inappropriate feelings that he couldn't even stand to be near me. I sank to the ground and put my own hands in my hair. How could I have been so stupid? To feel these things for him in just the short time since he showed up here. We hadn't even really been able to talk and I was lusting after him? I am a horrible person. I wouldn't blame him at all if he hated me. I would hate me. I just really hoped he didn't...

"Jasper, I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over m..." I felt myself being picked up off the ground then and let out a whimper when I looked up into Jasper's pitch black pupils. I felt a spike of fear run through me as his eyes went incredibly darker by the second, but my fear was quickly replaced by shock as his lips crashed into mine and I realized it wasn't blood lust I saw in his eyes. It was desire.

**Jasper's POV **

I knew the second that Bella climbed onto my back that this dumb assed idea of mine had been a mistake. 'Let's take a run'...Of all the idiotic ideas I've ever had this had been by far my stupidest. A run, I thought maybe we could stop once we got to a nice spot and talk for a while...Yeah that would happen...

We should have just taken the damn truck, but noooo I had to let off steam first and go for a run. it didn't sound so bad did it? It was an innocent enough activity for two adults to do right? Absofuckinglutely wrong... The moment I felt her firm little legs wrap themselves around me I knew that this would be by far the longest run of my life.

I'm such an ass hole. I should have stopped it right there; As soon as I felt the lust begin to seep out of me, as soon as I felt her arms snake themselves around my shoulders. I should have let her go the moment I felt her breasts press tightly against my back. I should have put her down and ran back to the truck when I felt her sweet breath on the back of my neck..ugh... But as I said, I am an ass hole.

As I ran through the trees I felt myself begin to go insane. All I could think of was how good she felt against me and how wrong this situation was. I knew I had to get my emotions under control before I projected them onto her. I'd have a whole new set of problems if she discovered what a complete pervert I was.

I took a deep breath and reigned in as much of my desire as I could and with a whole shit load of effort, gradually felt myself begin to relax. As I did though, I was finally able to get a sense of Bella's feelings and oh my freaking panty dropper... How the hell could I have missed that?

The desire I felt coming from her was easily matched to what I had been trying to force down and it just made my problem a whole lot harder...literally. I felt her guilt mixed in but it was almost completely covered by the lust she was feeling. She dropped her head to my shoulder then and the sound that came out of her mouth... I couldn't take it anymore.

I slowed until I knew I could stop without jarring her and set her on her feet before I walked ahead. I needed to get my head on straight or we were going to have a very big problem to deal with. I put my hands in my hair and pulled, hoping that a little pain would knock me out of this crazy hormonally induced dilemma but then I heard the remorse in her soft voice when she tried to apologize and I lost it.

The next thing I new I had her in my arms and was kissing her with a passion I didn't know I was capable of; Especially with someone who was very much alive and who's heart was practically beating out of her chest. I was so caught up in desire though that her blood was the last thing on my mind.

I barely registered her shock at my sudden advance before I felt her arms wrap around my neck and her lips begin moving as fiercely as mine. I felt her soft tongue run gently across my bottom lip and if I could I would have melted right there. I opened my lips to allow her access into my mouth and as our tongues slid together I came undone. She tasted amazing. It was like nothing I had ever experienced in the hundred and seventy years I had been alive. She was like honey and silk and magnolias, just amazing. I couldn't get enough.

As I deepened the kiss I felt her run her tiny hand under the back of my shirt and a shiver went through me. What was she doing to me? I tangled my fingers into her soft thick curls and then I heard her moan. It was the absolute sexiest sound I had ever heard and it was a miracle I didn't lay her on the ground and take her right there. I have no idea how I was able to finally pull away from her.

I felt her disappointment at the sudden loss of contact as I forced myself to step away and as I saw the pout she was wearing it took me every ounce of restraint I owned not to attack her now swollen and completely sexy lips again. I knew though, that we needed the space between us to figure out what the hell just happened.

I took her hand and led her to a fallen tree where I sat and looked up at her. She looked so vulnerable and beautiful standing there in front of me and I had to force my aching hands not to pull her onto my lap.

"I think we should talk" I said as I patted the spot next to me. I felt her hesitation as she slowly sat down and I sent her out as much calm as I was capable of. I shook my head then as I thought of what a little calm could have done a few minutes ago and let out a small chuckle.

"What?" she asked, clearly not understanding what I found so amusing.

"Oh it's nothing" I said and chuckled again as I watched her frown and cross her arms over her chest. "I was just thinking that if I would have thought to calm you a little while ago, we wouldn't be in this mess..." I saw her eyes turn to slits and hung my head as I realized my mistake.

"So this is my fault huh?" She growled in frustration before standing and began pacing back and forth in front of where I was now sitting and feeling like a complete jack ass.

"Bella, I didn't mean it that way" I knew she wouldn't listen to that though and I stood up and tried to put my hands on her shoulders to still her long enough so I could have her look at me. "Darlin, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I'm just as at fault here. I don't know what happened" I felt her sadness then and when she finally looked at me I could see tears in her eyes.

I pulled her into my arms and rubbed her back as I felt the sobs go through her. "Bella please don't cry" I begged her and pulled her onto my lap as I sat back down on the fallen tree.

"This is just so screwed up Jasper. What the hell were we thinking? This is crazy!" I was caught off guard then as I heard her start to laugh but then I felt her bitterness and realized that she was anything but amused

"You just show up out of the blue and of course the nutty twit that I am thinks I'm hallucinating, then I punch you and break my hand and now I'm sitting here on your lap trying to figure out why the hell we just made out like a couple of horny teenagers" She got up again and continued pacing in front of me.

"What the hell did I do that fate has such a screwed up agenda for me huh?" her tone started rising and I could tell that if I didn't put a stop to it soon she would probably end up kicking me and wind up with another cast to match the one on her hand.

"Bella you didn't do anything wrong, life can just be really shitty sometimes, but it always gets better" Well...c'mon I'm a guy, it's all I could think of.

"Oh yeah?" she said with narrowed eyes as she began stalking toward me and I must admit I was a little scared of her.

"Then explain to me why the last few years of my life has been one huge explosion after another. Tell me Jasper, why my the hell it is so damn impossible for me to have one tiny ounce of normalcy before it's ripped away. Can you tell me that?" I couldn't and she knew it. I saw her shoulders slump and felt the anger become replaced by numbness as she sat back down next to me and put her head in her hands. "I just want answers"

I took her hand back in mine and just held it there while we sat in silence for a few minutes. I wanted to help her, I wanted to say something, but I had no clue how I was supposed to do that without freaking her out again. I saw her look back up at me and felt her hesitance before she spoke again. "Jasper, can you at least tell me why you're here?" Well hell, I guess now was as good a time as any.

**A.N. So there ya have it! A little bit of steam with an added dose of crazyness never hurt anybody right? lol Hope y'all enjoyed, and dont forget to tell me what'cha thought. Next chapter...The Talk...kinda scary... ;op**


	14. Chapter 14

**A.N. **

**Well, I'm back…I know a lot of you are probably pretty pissed at me right now for how long I took on updating this and all I can do is tell you that I'm really, really sorry. RL has been pretty tough on me and my family for the last few months which caused my creative thinking to go straight out the window. I'm still struggling with it a little, especially with my three kids out of school for the summer but I'm hoping that I can keep my updates going a lot faster now that I've got some of my writer's block stomped out. I'm also working on getting these past chapters beta'd which should be a huge help so things should pick up from here on out. Thank you so much to everyone who has decided to stick with this story and haven't given up on me despite my complete brainlessness…lol I love you guys!**

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**Bella's POV**

I sat next to Jasper in the middle of the forest, searching his eyes for some hint of what was going on in his head. I knew, from the forlorn look he gave me, that this would not be just a simple "I happened to run into you by chance and here we are…" explanation. I also knew that what he was about to tell me would most likely set me further on edge and I took a deep breath in, attempting to steady my racing nerves as much as I could, which after what happened mere minutes ago, wasn't much I'll admit.

I felt like a complete idiot as I thought about the kiss we had shared. Where the hell had that come from? And why had it felt so incredibly right? It had come completely out of the blue…But what about that spark I had felt earlier at my apartment? This was just so freakin weird…I heard Jasper clear his throat and forced myself to pull away from my thoughts so I could focus on what he had to say. I'd have plenty of time later to go over what had happened.

I watched Jasper's expression turn from one of trepidation into a controlled determination as he twisted his body so that it fully faced mine. He took my good hand into his and squeezed it as if reassuring me before he began.

"Bella, before I tell you anything, I just want to make sure you know that nothing that led to me coming here was in any way your fault, okay?" He said, giving me a pointed but sincere look. Well, this didn't sound good…

I felt my natural need to argue rising to the surface but held back from saying anything and nodded my acceptance. I could at least let him explain to me what wasn't my fault, before I started freaking out and blaming myself, right? He gave me a slightly suspicious look at my uncharacteristic response, but seemed to let it go, and continued.

"Okay, well, I know this is probably gona be hard for you to believe Bella, given everything that's happened, but Edward bringing you into my family's lives was possibly the best thing that had happened to any of us in a very long time" I gave him a look that clearly stated that I thought he was crazy, but let him go on when he shook his head at me.

"It was darlin, you were like a breath of fresh air to us all. Not at first, I'll admit, in the beginning we just saw the danger that could come from your knowledge of us, but after we all got to know you, we just knew that you were meant to be with us. You became a part of our family." I felt my anger spike at his words.

"Family, Jasper? Family doesn't just up and leave when things get tough" I growled out bitterly. I wanted to argue this further but shut my mouth in surprise when I felt the cloud of agonized shame and resentment project from him.

"I know Bella…God! You have no idea how much I hate myself…how much we all hate ourselves for letting that ass hole talk us into leaving you. We tried to stop him, to talk some sense into that hard assed self righteous head of his but he just wouldn't listen…He was too caught up in his own angst and over protectiveness to realize that letting you go was the stupidest thing he could have ever done."

I snorted at the last thing he said and raised my eyebrows as if to say "Ya think?" If Edward had never left, my life would be normal right now…well, as normal as a life can be when you're surrounded by vampires…But he did leave, and now here I am, as far from normal as a person could get. I let out a frustrated breath but let him continue.

"Yes, Bella, my brother was an idiot for leaving you. We all were. But for some stupid reason we attempted to trust his judgment and let him talk us into leaving so that you could move on and live your life without the danger we posed. But then he left us too…and it was just too much to take losing both of you over his stupidity…My family fell apart Bella. They're a mess." Wait…What? He left them too? My fury rose then to spiking proportions and this time I was not about to keep quiet. How dare he?

"That son of a bitch! He took off on you too?" I yelled and stood up as I felt every stupid second I had spent over the last two years mourning Edward, come crashing around me in a shower of bitter anger and disbelief. I had been so stupid! I'd wasted so much pain on him! He was so selfish! Instead of staying to help his family through things, help them to cope, he took off on everyone…and for what? To lick his pretty fucking wounds?

"Ugh! I'm such a moron…How could I have loved him so much? I didn't even know him! Not really…How could he be so self absorbed? What a complete dick head!" I paced back and forth in front of Jasper, wanting really, really badly to hit something, and not paying attention to much else when I felt his arms encircle me and I froze in place.

I looked up at him in surprise and noticed he wore a rather proud looking smile as he gazed back down at me. "My sentiments exactly" He said and then proceeded to give me a crushing hug, knocking the wind out of me, as he let out a small relieved chuckle.

"I'm just so glad I was able to find you again Darlin'. Now you can come back home and we can fix this damn mess he made. Everything will be okay" Okay? hold on just a dang minute there cowboy…I don't think so.

"Ohh, no you don't" I said and pulled myself out of his arms, with great difficulty I might add, I don't think he realized how tightly he held me. "I am NOT going back there!" I spun on my heals and began storming away from him.

This was too much. Just because I put most of the blame on Edward didn't mean that I thought it was fine and dandy that Jasper and the rest of the Cullens' had left as well. He thinks everything could go back to the way it was after that? Were all vampires this stupid?

**Jasper's POV**

I stood there with my mouth gaping in confusion, as I watched Bella stomp her little feet away from me in a fiery rage, wondering what the hell I'd just missed. I thought the conversation had gone better than expected… I had been so relieved and proud of her when, instead of breaking down in tears, she had put on full hell cat armor and ranted her frustration with Edward for the injustice he had done, not only to her, but the rest of us as well. I had been so sure that she'd understood we needed her, that she'd want to come home and help me to fix this…Damnit! What the hell was I gona do now?

I started to put my foot out in front of me to follow her, hoping to calm her down and get her to see reason, when I felt my pocket vibrating. Shit! Who the hell was calling me now? I looked at the picture on the front screen of my phone and felt my eyes grow wide before I flipped it open in shock. Hadn't heard from him in a while…

"Peter, what…" I began but was interrupted by a loud familiar laugh.

"Well, you've done it now Major!" His gruff voice sounded, laced with amusement. "I love you man but you are one dense fuck!" he laughed

"What the…"

"Listen bro, just give the chick a few minutes to calm down and then take her home and let her sleep it off. Margie'll be there knockin at her door first thing in the morning to sort out this fucked up situation and she's gona need her sleep for what Red's got planned. You go meet up with yer freaky assed man eaters, gorge yourself on that sick shit you call sustenance, and then come back in a few days once this crap is sorted alright?"

"Peter, your yoda shit is creepin me the fuck out…" How the hell does he do that?

"Just shut up and do it Major or shit's gona hit the fan. I'll call you in a few days…Oh and your gona have one hell of a ride with that spit fire on yer hands bro…enjoy!" And with a last laugh, he hung up. What the hell was that? I looked at the blank screen in disbelief before replacing it in my pocket with a frustrated huff. Well, he's never steered me wrong before…I just wish he'd stop with that freaky know-it-all crap.

I walked back to the log and sat down, shaking my head in irritated dismay while I waited for Bella to cool off. After another half an hour or so I heard her walking back and let out a thankful breath when I noted that her footfalls seemed a lot less aggressive than they had been when she left in her rage. She walked slowly up to where I sat and I could feel the forced calm she had placed over her trepidation. We just stayed there looking at one another, silently searching each other's emotions, for what seemed like forever before she spoke.

"I'm not going back Jazz" she said with a soft but challenging voice and then defiantly folded her arms in front of her chest as if expecting me to argue.

"I know Darlin. Let's just get you home alright?" She narrowed her eyes in suspicion, but nodded once, before walking behind me to climb up for the run back to the truck. I steeled myself against the onslaught of feelings that I knew would come once she was again wrapped around me and took a deep breath. Once she was in position and I had somewhat succeeded in forcing myself to relax, I took off at full speed. At least I was prepared this time around.

We made it back to the truck, thankfully with much less angst than the initial run had brought on and after a long silent drive back into town I pulled up in front of Bella's building and got out to open her door for her.

"You go up and get some sleep, okay? I'll see you in a couple of days" I said after helping her down from her seat, and watched as she gave me a small grateful smile in return. I knew then, that Peter had been right. We would both need these next few days apart to think in peace and sort things out. She placed her good arm up on my shoulder and standing up on her tippy toes, planted a light kiss on my cheek.

"Thank you Jazz…" She said and I felt her hand brush my cheek before she turned around and walked away.

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**A.N. **

**I hope y'all liked it :o) I love Peter, he's such a good ol' southern bad ass lol. Please leave me a review and let me know what you thought. My insecurities could really use the feedback…**


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